My heart smiles, but it quickly slows itself down. "I want you to understand that I don't have any doubts about us. None. Nada. Zilch. I have concerns, and yes there is a difference, about our future. Is it so wrong of me to want some sense of security when it comes to the future? Is it so horrible that I want at least a plan of action?”
“Let's break this down,” he says. “What do you need to talk about with our engagement?"
"It's not about marrying you; it's not. It's about having some sort of expectation of what could happen. I only want to talk about our future, Jake. I don't feel secure enough yet. "
"With us and hockey?"
“Yeah, I don't feel like we have a plan.”
“That's because we don't, Sweetness. Not yet.” As quiet as his deep voice will go, he says confidently, "You know that you aren't going to lose me, right? Remember what I've told you. You are my everything. If hockey takes me out-of-state, then you'll just have to come with me. If you want, of course,” he grins.
“Love, I would follow you to Hell and back if that's where life takes us.” I give him a short and sweet kiss before hitting the next topic. "You said you wanted me to be your wife."
"And I do."
"Does that mean you want to get married soon? I mean, what about our parents?"
"I spoke to your dad a while back. He didn't want me to propose until after college, but he should still be satisfied if we wait to get married until after graduation."
Clearly content, I nuzzle against Jake and relax. Lightly, he kisses the top of my head.
16
Jake
We lay in silence. My mind is on how happy I am right now. She said yes! A simple three letter word filled my heart with so much joy, and I can't wait for our day. One day, a couple years down the road, Emily will be my wife.
"Sweetness," I whisper into her hair.
"Hm?"
"I love you. Always."
"I love you too, Jake." Emily sighs. "We should probably get up."
"Let's lay here for a few more minutes."
Emily glances up at me and asks once more what I was thinking when I proposed, especially considering the last few weeks.
“The only thing I was thinking about was how much I loved you. I love you, and I want you mine. Always. Asking for your hand in marriage is terrifying for me. You could easily reject me. It was a risk I was willing to take, though. You're my Sweetness. How could I live my life while wondering what your answer would be? I had to ask.”
“How could I ever reject someone like you?”
I don't think she's looking for an answer, but I give her one. “One day, Sweetness, you will see what I see. You could have chosen Conrad or god forbid, Kyle, but you chose me. I'm forever grateful for that.”
With a soft laugh, she tells me, “One day, love, you will see what I see. There was never a choice to be made. It's true that Conrad is in my heart. But not like you are. My heart is consumed with love for you. My soul is surrounded by love for you. I never chose you over Conrad or even Kyle. You are my heart. You fill every inch of my being. No one has ever made me feel what you make me feel. There was never a question of choosing. It's always been you.”
I place my arms around her waist and rest my chin on the top of her head. I hold her extra tightly, thinking of what I could say and only one thing comes to mind. My voice is deeper than usual as I mutter, “I love you so much.”
Emily wiggles and looks up at me. “I love you too,” she whispers as she leans in to place a kiss upon my lips. Reluctantly, we get up and get dressed. As casually as I can muster, I ask her a question while buttoning my shorts.
“Have you made a final decision on therapy?” I take a deep breath and glance at Sweetness. “Then you can get everything out about your mom and what happened with Conrad. Emily.” I'm slightly worried that I've upset her, but I continue. “Hear me out on this one. Who have you talked to about this?”
“You. Conrad and Dad too,” she mutters defeated, plopping down to sit on the edge of my bed.
“And have you told me or anyone else everything?” I ask, slipping on a shirt.