What am I supposed to do now?
I've been on autopilot the entire time I was driving, going no place, in particular, for a bit. I've made it back home and the one person I don't want to see is sitting on my front porch, waiting for me. She can continue to wait. Slamming the door to my car, I walk past Emily, ignoring her completely, and close the front door in her face. I lock the door behind me, so she can't come in. It's just my imagination that there is an incessant knocking on the door, a scared voice begging to come inside.
In my room, I pray Emily has left by the time that Drake and Dad return home. That way she can't come inside via them. I lock my bedroom door, just in case. Hours later, sure enough, Emily is let inside thanks to Drake. I text Mike and tell him to come get his dau
ghter. But when he arrives, Emily doesn't leave with him.
After hours of hearing Emily beg, I'm sick of it. My anger has done nothing but turn into fury while hearing her pleads. I swing my door open and ignore the pang of my broken heart at the sight of her puffy eyes and streaked cheeks.
“Emily, I do not want to talk to you. There is nothing for you to say. The best thing for you to do is leave.” I give her my best stony glare.
“I just want to talk, Jake.”
“Fine. Let me guess. You slept with Conrad. You ran to him instead of owning up for yourself. Every time something goes wrong, you turn to someone else. Usually Conrad. Your ex-boyfriend who currently has a girlfriend. I can't handle that anymore, Emily. You are supposed to run to me. No one else. I'm supposed to be there for you. No one else. But you. You can't let me do that. I don't want to be with someone if I can't be there for them, and if they aren't willing to face their problems for the better of a relationship. So go home and don't come back. I'm done with you and all of your problems. You don't want to handle them, so why should I try to help you?”
For the third time, I shut the door in her face. Why is it that I feel like the bad guy? I've done nothing but try to help her, and I'm the one who feels guilty because she won't let me. Fuck it. I'm done. With her, her problems, and anything associated with her. The truth of the matter is that I don't know how much more I can take. For the longest time, I didn't mind being the strong one, but now, I need Emily to be strong for once. All I know is that I'm done waiting around for that to happen. My sigh of relief and regret escapes as I realize that Emily has left.
Finally.
Days turn into a week as I try my best not to mope around. I haven't heard from Emily, and I'm going to take that as a good thing. Drake is just as upset as I am over the end of my relationship with Emily. Too bad.
The thing about relationships is that it's a two-party system. Both sides have to be willing to compromise, be that shoulder to lean or cry on. Both sides have to be strong for the other. Both parties should be carrying the weight on their shoulders together. With our relationship, I was doing all of those things myself and Emily, apparently, took that for granted. I was the strong one. I was compromising for her sake. I was carrying all the weight on my shoulders.
I held us together while Emily tried to break us apart. The light has now shone on me. I can see these things now that my mind isn't clouded with the constant need to save Emily. No matter how much I want to run to her, forgive and accept her for who she is, I can't do it. It's time that I think about myself just as much as I thought about Emily. She obviously didn't think of my needs as much as I did of hers.
Eve was right, I guess. Emily needs someone who can be there for her 24/7 because she isn't going to change. Conrad can do that. I'm not. The best thing for me to do is stay away from Emily. Everything will be easier, as long as I do that. The urges will lighten as long as I don't see her face. Hear her voice. Touch her skin or smell her strawberry shampoo.
I'm laying in bed when my phone dings with a text. It's Mike saying that I need to fix things with Emily. She hasn't left her room since she left my house. In my text, I tell him that it's not my problem. It's Emily's, and she has to be the one to fix it. Not me.
Drake comes into my room and sits on the edge of my bed.
“I miss Emily.”
“Me too, buddy, but there's nothing I can do.”
He huffs and stands up, his arms flailing about as he yells at me.
“Why can't you fix it? You always fixed things before. How come things are different now? Don't you love her? Don't you want her? Fix it, Jake!”
Drake runs out of my room, and I hate that I'm too tired to run after him. I can't fix things. I can't. Thanks, Emily. Now, my brother hates me because we aren't together, and he's lost you too.
13
Emily
Selfish; spoiled; ungrateful; heartbroken; pitiful; pathetic. All those words describe me. I'm out of the house for a change and walking around the local Wal-Mart like a zombie. I have to talk to Jake. Explain things to him. He's right about everything but me sleeping with Conrad. I need to talk to him. I need to set things straight once more so we can move on. My phone is in my pocket, and I retrieve it. Confirming my list of things Dad sent me to buy, I'm standing at the end of an aisle when I look up.
There Jake is. He's standing with Drake in front of the vast array of potato chips. Drake picks out a red bag and throws it into the cart. Both of them look my way as they continue down the aisle. I'm not sure what I expected of his reaction, but to still see anger wasn't it. His eyes haunts me as I turn and walk away, hoping to get lost in the store without running into them again. It doesn't work for even a second because Drake' yells out my name and bombards me with a hug when I face him.
“Hey, buddy. How are you?”
“Good. What have you been up to? I've missed you.”
“I've missed you too. I'll come get you one day this week if your dad doesn't mind, okay?”
“Awesome!”
“Drake, let's go,” Jake's harsh voice settles Drake's excitement.