“Don’t be all nice and sweet, Jake. I would like for you to stay away for a bit.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen,” I say as I crawl into bed behind her and cuddle. Maybe she means to, maybe she doesn’t, but either way it makes me happy when she leans into me.
“I’m sorry,” I say as my lips brush her neck.
&nbs
p; “For?” Before I can answer, she's talking. “I want to be mad. I want to be mad at you. I am furious with you actually.”
“Why?”
“Can you please not touch me?”
Taken aback, I reluctantly slide away from her and see her relax.
“I'm sorry,” she begins. “It's all been a lie. I'm sorry, but when you came along and started making me do things, making me return to the old me, I couldn't pass up the chance to be normal again. Or at least pretend to be.”
“What are you saying?”
“I'm saying that I'm not over what happened with my mom. I'm saying that it still bothers me greatly. You were my escape from my past and with everything that has happened and my mom coming back, it's over. I'm sorry. I used you. It's time I face reality, Jake.”
“What's over? Us? Just talk to me, Sweetness. It'll be okay.”
“No, it won't. Don't you get that I used you? Aren't you mad with me?”
“I could never be so mad with you that I no longer want you, Sweetness. Are you saying that you don't really love me? That our entire relationship means nothing to you?” She couldn't say that. She couldn't mean it if she did say it. Emily is my everything. She can't mean that. I don't know what I can do to help her anymore.
“No,” she answers quickly and I'm instantly relieved. “I fell in love with you. That was and still is entirely real. Eve was right, though. Whether you see it or not, I'm a train wreck. I don't want to drag you down with me, Jake. What am I going to do?”
Still, Emily is facing away from me. Hesitantly, I pull her against my chest and say, “Have you considered therapy?” Her back goes rigid against my chest. “I missed you,” my voice comes out deeper than usual.
Sweetness says, “I missed you too. Can we just lay together before we start with all the serious stuff?”
“Absolutely.”
She rolls over and buries her face in the crook of my neck. Her arms wrap around me, and she squeezes tightly. Her silence only lasts but so long before she feels the need to break it.
“Is it okay that I rather go to therapy than talk to you about it?” By her tone, therapy is not something she wants to do, but she'd rather do that than talk to me.
“Whatever makes you feel better. Can I ask a question? Why now?”
Still speaking into my neck, she tells me why. “Mom showed up and her first words to me were that I haven't changed at all. Everything just broke down after that. Plus, you weren't here to keep me together. I couldn't lean on you and pretend I was okay. Realizing that you were the reason behind my behavior, just proved to me that I was faking it. I don't want to be that way with you anymore.”
“You had your dad worried to death, you know that?”
“I know.”
Those brown eyes look up at me, and Sweetness bites her bottom lip. I know where her thoughts are going, and it's time for me to put a stop to it.
“If I’ve learned anything over our past, it is that we have to remember the good during the bad. I’d do absolutely anything for you, you know that. Before I met you, hockey and Drake were my life. You, Drake, and hockey are my life now. I want to do what’s best for you and me. Both together and separately. We still have time before anything happens, and you could always come with me. You know that, right? ”
Emily blinks slowly, and I can tell that she’s about to fall asleep.
“I love you so much,” she mumbles, running a hand through my hair, coming to a stop at the base of my neck. Sweetness pulls me to her and gives me a sweet kiss, seducing us both as we physically express our feelings before leaning her head on the fluffy pillow and falling asleep.
9
Emily