I took the key back as he said, “Yes, as I understand it.”
“Then what is his deal? We obviously can’t be true mates because he’s a dragon and my animal purrs. Purring is probably a big cat. Well, hopefully a big cat. Being a tabby cat will be a bit embarrassing.”
For all of us… my animal thought.
“If we don’t have the same animal, we can’t be true mates. And if my parents were dragons, I wouldn’t have been allowed to live. So…”
Hadriel shrugged. “I don’t know. But he’s adamant, so we better do it. I’ll get that tea.”
Nyfain didn’t show up that night. I lay awake at about the time he was supposed to come in, feeling the strangest emotions through the bond. Anger and fear and anxiety and self-loathing and regret and determination and…hopelessness. I had a feeling the anger was his dragon’s, over his sudden change of heart, but I couldn’t understand why he’d been so adamant, so ugly.
Was it something in his past that had set him off? Or maybe he had an irrational fear of fatherhood because of his problems with his own father? A man could go to extremes not to be like his dad.
Or maybe…Hadriel hadn’t known the full extent of how the curse worked, like Nyfain had said.
Tingles washed through me, and I turned my head to look out the window. The moon hung heavy in the sky. I’d been right—it should be a couple days or so until I bled.
If I bled.
A storm of emotions accosted me. Warmth seeped into my middle, and suddenly it was hard to breathe.
You want this as much as I do, my animal thought in the equivalent of a soft tone. As much as the dragon does.
No, I do not. Are you crazy? It would be incredibly bad timing—the worst possible timing in the history of bad timing—to get with child right now. A strange tickling of anticipation and longing quickened my heart. I shoved it away violently. This kingdom is dying, demons are threatening our very existence, and if the curse ends, the demon king will likely wreak havoc. I need to fight. I can’t do that with a child in my belly.
Timing aside, you want a child with the man. You want a future with him, just like the dragon and I do. Admit it.
I trailed my fingers across my flat stomach, and a tear bled out of my eye and down my cheek. I stared out at the night sky. Goddess smite me, I did. Despite our differences in social status, our differences in upbringing, his horrible temper and bad moods…I could see myself happy with Nyfain. I was no longer content with the thought of a solitary future. I was no longer fine envisioning myself alone as I got older. The desire for a family had reasserted itself. A home. A loving mate.
Nyfain had brought about that change.
I wanted to feel for a mate the way I felt for him. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life without intimacy or someone to share my thoughts with. I didn’t want to lose the fire I felt when lost to Nyfain’s touch.
I blew out a breath. These were dangerous waters to tread.
I pulled my hand away from my stomach.
It doesn’t matter, I thought. I should bleed in a couple days. Even if Hadriel was wrong, and logic says he probably isn’t, I’m sure the timing was off. I know how these things work, and I doubt I’m with child.
What sort of logic exists in a demon-created curse?
Please shut up. You’re giving me a headache.
My animal huffed. Try to brush it aside if you want, but I know your true feelings. And I know that taking the tea now won’t do a damn thing. Right? At this point, either you are or you aren’t.
She was right there. All I could do now was wait.
Don’t tell the dragon that, though, she thought, and it felt like she was mulling something over.
Why?
Because the thought of his getting us with child creates this…need in me. It’s deep…and consuming…and primal. I feel it all through me, pulsing. It’s like I’m dizzied, desperate to demand his seed. I feel almost frenzied when I think of his claiming us and putting a child in us. For some reason, when I dwell on it, I can squeeze more power through this cage the demon magic has around me. It’s because of the primal urges, I know it. I can feel it.
So what does this have to do with the dragon?
He’s more powerful than me. He’s been working on escaping the confines of this cage for a lot longer. Before us, his resources were tapped out. The only primal survival mechanisms he’s been able to pull on these last years have been those earned in battle. Fear, rage, adrenaline, etc.