He wanted to tell himself that it was just because he hadn’t been with a woman in a long time. That his need was about circumstances and not the least bit specific. But he knew he was lying. He wanted Zara in his bed. Another warm body wouldn’t work. He needed to taste her and inhale the sweet scent of her body. He ached to hold her close and bury himself inside of her again and again.
Zara leaned back in her chair and smiled at him. “You look terribly intense. What are you thinking about?”
He thought about lying. The sunset was beautiful, as it had been every night. The food left in covered trays by the servants who had just departed for home smelled delicious. There were a thousand things he could say instead of the truth.
“That I’m an idiot.”
Zara laughed. “I have to tell you, I wasn’t expecting that one. Want to share the reason, or is this because you’re a guy.”
He shook his head. “It’s not, although the two are related.”
He took a drink of his wine. The chardonnay had a hint of butter blended with the oaky fruit. He could feel the danger all around him. It wasn’t just that he’d been entrusted with keeping her safe, it was that she was an innocent. He was hardly the right man to deal with that. And yet…
“Exactly how much of a virgin are you?”
Zara hadn’t been expecting that question. She instantly blushed, which made her feel stupid and immature, but at the same time delight tingled all through her body. “Are you asking for specifics?”
“Yeah. How far, how often, that sort of thing.”
Her heart hammered in her chest. She tried to read Rafe’s expression, but it wasn’t easy. Still, he wouldn’t be asking if he wasn’t interested, right? Maybe he was finally going to give in to all that heat they generated when they were together.
She cleared her throat. Her palms were suddenly damp, and she knew that if she tried to stand, her legs would promptly dump her on her butt.
“Well, there was that time in Billy’s car. I guess I was about nineteen. We’d been going out for a while and he’d had his hand up my blouse.” She took a quick drink of wine, hoping the alcohol would work fast and give her courage. “As we, ah, maneuvered into position, my foot kinda got caught in the steering wheel. The horn went off. It wouldn’t stop until Billy disconnected it from the battery.”
Rafe stared at her. “You’re kidding?”
“No. It was a real mood breaker, let me tell you.” She smiled at his look of disbelief. “I told you—I’ve had really bad luck in the man department. At least sexually.”
“Zara, your fiancé was gay. I would say your bad luck stretched to more than just sex.”
She ducked her head. “If you’re trying to make me feel better, you’re doing a lousy job.”
“Sorry.”
“No. You’re right.” She sighed, remembering that night with Billy. “We didn’t go out again. I guess he was really mad about his car and embarrassed, too. We’d gotten as far as him unzipping his pants and me, well—” she took another drink of wine “—I touched it for a second.”
The corners of Rafe’s mouth twitched. “It?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“Okay. Who else?”
“Steve. We dated for a while. He actually touched me, you know, there. I don’t know—he was really rough and it didn’t feel good. But I wanted to know so I figured we’d go ahead. This was a couple of years after Billy. Anyway, he lived in a really small apartment, but at least it was private. We were both pretty close to naked and I was just about to catch my first glimpse of, you know, when his parents walked in.”
She closed her eyes as the memory and the humiliation washed over her. “He’d given them a key and they were bringing back his laundry.” She opened her eyes and looked at Rafe. “Can you believe he actually took his dirty clothes back home and his parents delivered them to him when they were clean? Geez.”
She took another drink of wine and cleared her throat. “So, that sort of broke the mood. Then his mother called me and said he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of five years and did I know he was on the rebound.” She grimaced. “I didn’t see Steve after that. I figured that whether or not he was still getting over his ex-girlfriend, the bigger problem was his parents. They were way too involved with his life.”