Matt gave him a small smile to say he was okay because he was. He made sure he was always okay.
*
Oliver had a whole new appreciation for what Matt did. There was shot after shot, discussion after discussion. Frustration and pose and pose and direction and changes of clothes.
They were there until nearly ten that night.
The whole time he looked for it, looked for signs Matt was coming apart at the seams, looked for signs that he felt like he would burst out of his own body, but Oliver never saw them.
He never fucking saw one…and as much as he wanted to believe it was because Matt didn’t feel them, as much as he was angry at himself because he felt like he knew Matt better than anyone in the world, and if anyone could see them it should be him, it only made him realize how good Matt was at pretending. At running the course. At burying the way he felt and moving forward. And that? That broke his heart.
He hated the fact that Matt was so good at feigning everything was okay. How often did he wear that mask? How long had he been hurting and no one had seen it?
“We’re going to stop and get you something to eat,” Oliver told him as they made their way through LA.
“Okay,” Matt replied and he was thankful the other man hadn’t argued.
They stopped at a drive-through sandwich place Oliver liked that was open late, and they both ate in the car while Oliver drove them back out to Laurel Canyon.
“That was an intense day,” Oliver told him as they pulled into his driveway, the motion light coming on as they did. “I didn’t know it was so…intense,” he said again because he wasn’t sure what other word to use for it.
“Yeah, it is. It wasn’t what I expected either, at first. I’m fucking beat but I know there’s not a chance in hell I could go to sleep yet.” Matt got out of the car, and Oliver did the same.
“You can take a bath and relax. My en suite has a Jacuzzi tub. You’re welcome to use it.” It was a ridiculous thing to say because obviously, Matt knew about the tub. Oliver led the way up to the porch, where he unlocked the door and then stepped inside, turning off the alarm.
“Okay,” Matt replied. “Come with me.”
Oliver’s head spun. He’d always prided himself on being a smart man. In his head, he knew he needed to put an end to this because he would just get hurt. He was already getting in too deep with Matt as it was but the romantic in him? That boy at eighteen who wanted to tell Matt that he loved him because he believed they were meant to be, that part of him wanted to believe that maybe they had a chance. That Matt’s feelings were evolving. Or maybe they’d always been there and he was accepting them. And the horny part of him? That was the part that just wanted to be naked together with Matt again.
“It’s not like I’m turning down that offer.” The words felt disingenuous because he used them to make it sound as though this was about sex. Like maybe he’d put on the same kind of mask Matt wore while modeling to say them.
They made their way up the stairs and to Oliver’s room. They went straight into the bathroom. It felt like déjà vu, took Oliver back to their shower together that last time he had the chance to be inside of Matt.
He started the water while Matt undressed. He turned Matt’s way right as he stripped the last bit of clothing from his body. Oliver wanted to tell him how fucking beautiful he was, but it was important to him that Matt didn’t think that was all Oliver saw when he looked at him.
So he kept his mouth shut and began taking off his own clothes. Matt slipped around him and stepped into the tub. He shut off the water just as Oliver turned and saw that he sat in the middle of it. He put his foot into the warm water—he’d always loved hot baths—and sat behind Matt, one leg on either side of him. Matt automatically leaned back against Oliver’s chest.
Oliver ran his hand up and down Matt’s slender torso, let his fingers play along his hip bones. “I would never have known,” he said.
Somehow, Matt knew exactly what he meant. “That’s the point. I’ve become good at camouflage.”
“I should have known. I should have seen it. I—”
“Stop trying to be a hero, Ollie. You can’t always be the hero.” Matt sighed but then put his hand on Oliver’s leg.
“Are you going to keep doing it?” Oliver asked him only to feel Matt tense up slightly.