“And fucking Chance almost got us kicked out.”
He’d been typical Chance—loud and boisterous but even more so because they were so close to graduating. Oliver had nearly lost his mind while Matt was stuck between thinking Chance went too far but also chuckling at Oliver’s reaction. They were polar opposites in some ways, those two. Oliver serious and Chance carefree. “I thought your head was going to explode. You nearly lost your fucking mind.”
“He pretended to hump a sculpture, Matty.”
Matt could see it clear as day now—Chance making it look like he was taking the statue from behind. A laugh burst out of his mouth at the memory. God, they were fun. Despite the awkwardness that was sometimes there, he had a lot of fun with Chance and Miles too. “He was so fucking crazy. Is he still that crazy?”
Oliver glanced his way again. “Is that really a question? He’s Chance. Yes, he is. I haven’t been back here with him since and likely never will.”
Matt laughed again, not surprised Oliver had held a grudge about it. Oliver took that shit seriously. “I’m sorry. Now I feel even worse that we haven’t gone together in so long. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be sure to try and come out at least once a year and when I do, we’ll hit The Getty together.”
Oliver turned into the parking lot. Matt could see his forehead crease even from the side view. “I appreciate that. Miles likes to go with me, though. It’s something we do fairly often together, and I’m a big boy now. I don’t mind going alone.” He glanced at Matt and winked, but Matt felt a strange twist in his gut. What did he expect? Oliver would never go to The Getty with another person because he left? It was unfair for him to feel almost…jealous about it, about the thought of him and Miles doing something together that had always belonged to Matt and Oliver. But he’d left, hadn’t he? And he didn’t visit for years.
“You’re frowning,” Oliver said.
“No, I’m not,” Matt told him. “Why would I be frowning?” But he was and he knew it. He was being a selfish bastard, expecting Oliver to hold onto something that had belonged to them when the reason they couldn’t do it together anymore was on Matt.
“Miles doesn’t have a problem with you. He never has. I know he comes off as a dick, but he’s the same way with you as he is with everyone else.”
And that was part of it, wasn’t it? He likely wouldn’t have been as hurt if Oliver went with Chance. Matt never believed Miles thought he was good enough to be friends with Oliver.
“Fuck.” Matt ran a hand over his face. He was too old to have this conversation anymore. Too old to be jealous of Miles. He’d made something of his life on his own. He’d grown up, changed. Miles could like him or not like him and Matt would be just fine.
Oliver pulled into a parking spot before Matt continued, “I’m not the same kid I was. I don’t need Miles’s approval. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I know who I am now in ways I didn’t back then.” He was Matt Daniels. He lived in New York City. He was a model. He’d clawed and fought his way to where he was, and he wasn’t going to let it slip away, no matter how at odds he felt with himself right now. No matter how much of it felt like a lie. It couldn’t be. If it was, who the fuck was he?
He saw the questions in Oliver’s big, round eyes. He was doe-eyed, always had been, questioning and searching everything.
“You didn’t need anyone’s approval, even back then. Maybe that’s not the way you see it. Maybe you thought you did, but you didn’t. You’ve always been strong enough to do your own thing; sometimes it just takes you a while to realize it.”
Oliver’s words slammed into his chest. Tried to take his breath but Matt fought against it. He knew they were talking about music. Oliver romanticized everything. It was easy to do when you’d always had what you wanted. He didn’t mean that as an insult to Oliver because he’d never acted the least bit spoiled. It wasn’t who he was, but there had also never been anything Oliver couldn’t have. He saw the world through the rose-colored lenses because that had always been his life.
But that wasn’t Matt’s universe. Yeah, he was fucking lucky to have what he did and to be where he was but he knew there weren’t a hundred other options waiting for him. It was why he had to keep going, why he had to get his fucking head back in the game because this was his life. He’d worked too damn hard to get a hair up his ass, feel sorry for himself and risk losing it. “And sometimes I realize when something isn’t meant to be. Not everything is, Ollie.”