“Mine’s right over here.” Jasper points at the end of the block. “But, umm, I don’t exactly know how to date, so I’m drawing a blank on where to take you.”
“You don’t date? Why not?”
“I date, but more at bars or cafes. Cafes for day dates, bars for nights that could turn into breakfasts.”
“Mm, I’d love for this date to end in breakfast, but I can’t be out too late.”
“Who’s with the kids?”
“Asher. Ever since I kind of had that meltdown and turned up on your doorstep, he’s been stepping up and forcing me to take time out. He says I’m burned out, and he probably has a point, but it still doesn’t feel right to be away from them.”
“You can go home if you need to. We can plan a date for another night. It will give me time to think of something good.”
I step closer and pull him against me. His nose is pink from the cold, and I can’t resist kissing it. “I’m already out, and Asher will call if he has any issues. Let’s make the most of this because if we are going to do this properly, you’re going to have to be okay with not getting out very often.”
“I understand, and I think I know where I can take you now.” He takes out his phone. “Let me check something first.”
I let him lead the way, and a few minutes later, he drives out of the parking lot.
I’m not the type who’ll hound him until he tells me where we’re going. I like being surprised and taken care of. I think that’s why I gravitate more toward men than women. Sure, in the NHL, it was easier to find women—they found me—but there was always the pressure of needing to act like the alpha jock, the stereotypical NHL player, with them. I called the shots, I rocked their world … but then I’d find myself wishing I’d gone home with Ezra instead so I could give up that control.
Ezra’s very go with the flow when it comes to sex, and even though control isn’t something he seeks out, he picked up quickly it was what I needed.
We were casual, yes, but toward the end, right before my dad’s accident, I found myself gravitating toward him more and more. Stupid move on my part. I mistook Ezra’s need for sex and platonic intimacy for more.
“You’re thinking pretty hard over there,” Jasper says. “Worried about what’s going on at home?”
I huff. “The opposite, actually. I’m kind of thinking how I haven’t done this before either. My version of dating in the NHL was either drowning our losses in empty hookups or celebrating wins with … empty hookups. I’m realizing now that I thought it was the car accident that changed everything, but looking back on it, I was starting to get over that whole hookup scene before that.”
Jasper’s lips purse. “With Ezra.”
I hesitate. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t go on dates with him?”
“Not really. We hung out as friends. Went to dinner as friends. Because we didn’t want to let anyone know we were hooking up, it felt separate to everything else we did. There were no public displays of affection.”
“That’s kind of how it still is for queer couples though. There’s always that risk of people seeing you holding hands and giving you judging stares or calling you a slur. A lot of couples don’t show affection in public. Like Dave and Greg. I think it’s ingrained from growing up as Gen Xers.”
I cock my head. “Aren’t you Gen X?”
“Fuck. You.”
“Oh wait, I think I heard a term for you elder people from my generation. Geriatric millennials, right?”
“Don’t make me turn this car around.”
I burst out laughing. “If it helps, you don’t look a day over forty.”
“Why do I like you again?”
“Because I make you feel young.”
He tries to scowl, but I can see him covering up a tiny smile. “I’m almost regretting taking you here now.” He flicks his turn signal and pulls into the old drive-in.
“Ah, how people used to date when you were young.”
“I hate you. Just for that, I might not put out tonight.”
“You know what they say. You’re only as old as the person you feel.” I reach for his hand, taking it off the steering wheel and placing it on my upper thigh. “Look at that. You’re twenty-eight again.”
Jasper groans. “How do I find your immaturity so adorable? I’m an abomination.”
“Such an abomination. How can anyone take you seriously as a professor? An academic scholar! Oh, the horror!”
Jasper pays on the way in and pulls into a spot in the backhand corner of the lot.
“This is awfully out of the way of everyone else. Do you have some wicked plan to have your way with me? You might not have noticed, but I don’t think we’ll fit in the back seat of a Jetta.”