“Why didn’t you tell me?” I mutter.
Her eyes fall away from mine, shame twisting her features. “You weren’t there,” she answers quietly. I detest the quiver in her voice.
More guilt consumes me, and another mark is made against me for failing her once again.
She grabs my wrist, and I hold my arm out, watching her closely when she lightly begins to wash away the blood. Her face contorts with pain when she looks at the damage I’ve done. Not only the fresh wounds, but the older ones too. Some of my scars are twenty-seven years old.
I stare at the top of her head, but no matter how much I try to avert my attention away from the thought of her naked body, I can’t wipe away the visual of her.
My reaction to her is foreign. Woman are made beautiful, but I’ve never reacted to the beauty of their bodies. I could look at a thousand gorgeous women and feel absolutely nothing. My cock wouldn’t give so much as a twitch. But my first glimpse of Rella stimulates me, mesmerizes me.
What in the hell is wrong with me? Why is the woman I’ve tormented for years the one my body craves? I’m just as sick as my father is. The thought has bile churning in my gut. I want to jam nails in my eyes and cut my dick off. I’ve got no right to look at her.
As she works on my other arm, I lift my head and stare at the ceiling, willing my body to calm down. I loathe myself and call myself every vile name known to man.
> “Look at me,” she requests gently.
I force my head down to meet her eyes.
“Please stop torturing yourself, Aziah. I know what you’re thinking, and it’s okay. It’s natural for a man’s body to become stimulated when he sees a naked woman.”
“Not me and not with you,” I grit out. “I should be shot in the fuckin’ head right now.”
She slowly shakes her head. “No, Aziah. You can’t help your body’s reaction.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I trust you,” she answers simply. “Because I know you won’t do anything to hurt me.”
“But don’t you see? I have hurt you.”
“Only at the demand of your father.”
I feel like we’re both beating a dead horse. No matter what I say, she’ll never see my actions for what they were. And I’ll never understand why she never blamed me.
“You’re a fool, Rella.”
Her eyes follow her hands as she rubs the sponge across my pecs, a small smile tipping up one corner of her mouth. “Call me what you want, but I’ll never see it your way. You feel guilt for something that was out of your control. You seek absolution when there’s nothing to forgive.” She lifts her head, her expression serious. “You were my best friend, Aziah. There’s never been a doubt in my mind you would have done anything to save me from your father. And that’s what you did. You saved me from a fate I’m not sure I would have survived.”
She steps closer, her head tipped back. The hand still gripping the sponge presses against my chest, and she flattens the other one beside it. I take a step back when she gets too close, but she just follows me.
“I’ve never, not once, been afraid of you. I’ve never regretted knowing you. I’ve never not felt safe when I’m with you, even back in the Hall.”
The way she says it, the conviction in her voice, the look in her eyes, make me want to believe it. I want to believe it so fucking badly.
My ass hits the wall when she steps so close that the tip of my cock bumps against her lower stomach. She acts like she doesn’t notice, but I damn sure do, and so does my stupid fucking dick. Shame renders me immobile.
A drop of water slides down her cheek and stops at the corner of her mouth. Her tongue darts out to lick it away. My stomach does some weird flip thing.
“I know this may sound crazy.” She stops, and the sound of the sponge plopping on the floor reaches my ears. She now has both hands flat on my chest. “But there’s something I want to try, if you’ll let me.”
My throat feels bone dry, so I have to clear it before I can speak. “What?” I croak.
“Will you….” She hesitates, and her brows knit together. “Will you let me kiss you?” she finishes.
I probably look like an idiot with how big my eyes get. I had to have misheard her. There’s no damn way she just asked if she could kiss me.
“What?” I repeat.