Ha.
I had news for him—it didn’t.
It barely took the edge off.
Then again, perhaps that was just me.
Storymaker had always said my adrenaline was a nasty thing, chewing up the wakey medicine he’d give us, refusing to allow Viagra to work very long, ensuring whatever means he used to keep me performing never truly worked.
The only thing that made me perform for a guest was knowing that if I didn’t, then he’d just get one of my family members to take my place.
Gemma squeezed my hand, her gaze catching mine with hesitation and encouragement. “How’re you doing?”
I nodded without a word.
I couldn’t speak at the moment. I was too busy grinding my teeth to dust as we stepped into the massive ballroom at some fancy hotel downtown and came face-to-face with more humans than I’d ever seen in my entire life.
Men dressed in similar tuxes to me, women dripping in jewels and couture. I recognized this crowd. I knew the difference between diamonds and sapphires because I’d felt the bite of precious stones as sadistic women slapped me. I could pick each perfume as they wafted around us, instantly knowing who wore Chanel, Dior, or Lancôme. The bottles of such scents had been hurled at my head if I didn’t crawl for them or bend over quick enough.
Men’s laughter cut through the hum of voices—deep chuckles that sent chills down my back, and loud guffaws that made my stomach threaten to vomit. I knew every laugh a man was capable of. I knew how they sounded when they came. I knew how they looked when they got off on violence toward a boy who couldn’t say no.
Fuck, what am I doing here?
Gemma tensed at my side as we came to a stop by the bar.
My gaze traveled to the countless bottles all lined up beneath the pretty lights, twinkling in welcome. My mouth went dry for a drink. I wanted to grab a bottle and upend it down my throat. Memories of Jareth came and went, leaving me with the taste of stale bourbon after our last drink together before he set my home on fire.
Christ, what would I give to be alone in my silent valley right now?
No, not alone.
With Gemma.
I wanted to be naked by the river with Gemma dozing beside me in the sun, bumblebees buzzing, leaves rustling. I wanted to go back to a simpler time when it was just us in nature instead of us in a writhing crowd full of egos, sins, and secrets.
“What can I get you?” a guy behind the bar asked, throwing a smile at Gemma.
My hackles rose. How dare he look at her. What was he thinking? Did he strip her naked in his mind without permission? Did he imagine doing things to her that I’d murder him for?
My rib cage threatened to puncture my lungs as pressure built. My head pounded with a cruel headache. This wasn’t a good idea. Being around this many people was not wise in my current condition.
But then...how was I ever supposed to heal? How was I supposed to move on? I already felt as if I was letting Gemma down by not going with her to the supermarket and other errands. How much longer would she let me hole up in her house and garden before she got frustrated with my lack of progress?
I need to do this.
Not just for other kids still trapped but for my own mental health.
I balled my free hand, squeezing Gemma’s a tad too tightly.
She threw me a look before she smiled at the barkeep. “We’re good for now, thanks.”
I sighed raggedly. I didn’t know if I was grateful she hadn’t gotten us a drink or disappointed.
“You say the word, Kas. I’m with you with whatever you need to do.” She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Her touch, her smell, her unconditional love helped quiet the rapidly building chaos inside me. She worked better than any pill or trick.
I reminded myself that I’d made a choice to get better ever since Jareth shoved me through a few roadblocks. I’d made a choice to step out of who I’d been and become someone I could actually like.
This would be good for me.
I’ll be fine. Completely, totally fi—
“Gemma! Oh, my God!”
My body locked down. My heart raced. I looked everywhere for a threat.
A petite woman with short, dark hair came bounding from the crowd, her gray dress floating around her knees and tied with a massive bow over her small breasts. “Gem!” Her squeal set my ears ringing and head pounding.
Every part of me wanted to run as the stranger stopped in front of us and practically threw herself at my girl. Her arms went around Gemma, and she bounced up and down, her hair swaying around her ears. “I’ve been trying to catch you at the climbing gym, but you go so late now I keep missing you.”