My therapist, for instance, had put an app on the new phone that Gem had purchased for me where I could message if I was having a rough moment and earn guidance from him or another therapist in the PTSD field. With a few tiny buttons, I could access a camera, a dictionary, an entire library of knowledge, along with play movies, songs, and access things called emails.
When Gem had given me the phone on the same day she came home with a secondhand black car with off-road tires, I’d been embarrassed to accept yet more gifts that I couldn’t pay back.
I’d kept a tally of what I owed her.
The total was already in the thousands.
Gem suddenly leaped from her top hold and landed on her crash mat that she’d dragged from the car. The amount of gear it took to film one short video fucking astounded me.
Brushing chalky hands on her leggings, she folded the crash mat, lugged it onto her back, and came toward me.
I leaped to my feet, my cock hardening.
I wanted her.
I wanted her on her knees in the grass.
I wanted—
Whiteness flickered over my vision for a moment, courtesy of my quickening heart rate and thickening blood. My head ached a little but nowhere near as bad as a few weeks ago.
When my eyesight came back, I smiled at Gemma as she dropped the crash mat, stretched her spine out, and bent to turn off her video. I went behind her, cupping her breasts and pressing my hard-on against her back.
She let out a throaty chuckle. “This isn’t the valley, Kas.”
I nuzzled into her neck, licking away the salt from her workout. “It’s a field. I want you. It’ll do.”
Her head fell to the side, giving me access to kiss along her shoulder. A soft moan spilled from her. “As much as I’d love to strip and enjoy some outdoor fun with you, we’re not alone.”
“What?” My head shot up, scanning the grassy area. “I thought we were.”
Nothing.
No person.
No critter.
Just birds tweeting away in a bush close by.
“Above us.” Gemma looked into the sky.
I followed her line of sight, narrowing my eyes on the top of a cliff that ringed this clearing with its ancient, craggy-looking boulders.
At the very top, silhouettes of people came into focus. I laughed and rocked my hips into her ass again. “They’re not close. They can’t see anything.”
“They’d see bare skin and the action as you rode me.” She turned in my arms, her hand cupping my hard cock. “People know this is one of my filming locations. I’d hate to end up online for making an entirely different video to the ones I’m usually known for.”
My eyebrows came down as her hand worked my cock. “What...what kind of videos?” My eyesight flickered but only thanks to the pleasure of her touch. My balls drew up as desire shot down my spine and tightened everything between my legs.
“A porn video.” She reached up and kissed me.
Her tongue entered my mouth as her hand continued stroking me up and down. I wanted to give over entirely to her. I wanted her to use me however she wanted, but her voice echoed in my ears.
Porn.
I’d seen that mentioned in some of the books I’d read. Guests had used that word when they’d arranged a few of us into lewd positions for them to take pictures of us, bound, abused, and bleeding. But I didn’t fully understand what it entailed...not in this new world anyway.
“Porn being sex?” I whispered against her lips, shuddering as she pinched my tip.
“Uh-huh.” She kissed me again, deeper, longingly. “A very graphic sex video.”
Jealousy poured through me. I pulled away from her mouth. “Have you ever made one of those?”
She smiled and fisted me hard. “I’ve made lots of content in my life, Kas, but I assure you, I’ve never made a porno.”
“Do you...want to?”
Her eyebrows rose, and her hand dropped down my shaft, fisting me through my jeans. “Is that a proposition?”
“We’d be the only ones to watch it, right?”
She nodded. “Of course. Something like that you make, you watch, and then you delete.”
“Because it’s not something society approves of?” I frowned. Over the past few weeks, I’d gotten better with touching, talking, and generally figuring out what was normal from my strange upbringing and what was definitely not normal.
Sex and me had a complicated relationship. I hadn’t quite been able to figure out if I liked violent sex or gentler sex. I didn’t know if I preferred Gem naked or dressed. In a bed or on the grass. The animal inside me wanted to be dominant and own Gemma at all times. Yet, the softer moments we shared had cracked open a part of my heart I hadn’t even known existed.
It made me love her all the more.