I should tend to him.
I should’ve done it the moment we walked inside.
Clearing my throat, I went to stand, but my constant headache made the room swim. “Stay. What do you need?” Gem instantly came to sit by my side, her hand landing on my shoulder, her touch electrifying me, covering me in shame for how I’d treated her, run from her, made her doubt just how much she fucking meant to me.
What would she think of me if I admitted I’d been so close to ending it tonight? That I’d wanted her so fucking badly that I was willing to put myself out of my misery because I didn’t know how to be the man she deserved.
I didn’t know how to apologize.
I didn’t know how to love her without hurting her.
I would never get over how strong she was, how forgiving. I still didn’t understand how she could touch me, smile at me, care for me after I’d raped her. Those memories were far too sharp and savage. She’d fought me. She’d screamed at me. She’d stopped fighting me when I ignored her and took what I wanted anyway.
Fuck.
I flinched away from her touch.
Her eyes flared with hurt but she stood bravely and smiled. “I’ll go and get you guys some painkillers. I have no doubt your arm will be killing you—especially seeing as you’ve removed your splint.” Her eyes grazed over my arm before darting to Jareth sprawled in a button leather armchair by the fireplace. Animal hides darted the floor like islands between us. Antlers hung above the mantel, glinting sharply amongst the tarnished shields and swords decorating the walls.
A room of death.
Why the fuck were we in this one? Then again, were there any rooms in this place that weren’t touched with death?
“You’re not allergic to any pain meds, are you?” Gem asked Jareth, her voice stiff and strict. She might’ve protected him from my wrath and helped snap me out of whatever hate-fuelled bloodlust I’d been in, but she wasn’t his friend.
Jareth ran a hand over his jaw, pushing against a new bruise and swelling. “No. I have a tolerance for all drugs. Whatever you have, I’ll take.”
My eyes narrowed. What did he mean by that? We’d never been given drugs at Fables, apart from the odd painkiller when a guest got particularly nasty. We’d never been force fed chemicals to keep us inline.
Leaning forward, I shook away what I could of my headache and focused on him. “You use drugs?”
Gemma subtly left the room, taking my oxygen with her and leaving me with a thousand questions for Jareth.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t comfortable asking them in front of her, it was my constant need to keep my past away from my present. Gemma represented hope and happiness that I still had no idea how to claim. Jareth reminded me of all the shit we’d endured and done, ensuring we weren’t suitable for silly things like relationships or love because we had no concept of the word.
We only knew how to love each other because we were all each other had.
But you have Gem now.
You need to talk to her.
Clear the air about why you ran tonight.
Balling my hands, I ignored the faint twinge in my arm and waited for Jareth to answer me.
He mimicked me, clasping his hands between his legs and sitting forward. “I’ve dabbled with a few.”
“What few?”
His teeth flashed. “Everything.”
“By choice or force?”
His body tightened just a little, but I noticed. I noticed because even though he was more stranger than brother, I still knew him. I’d once protected his body and soothed his mind. I’d done everything I could to take away his nightmares even while I’d drowned beneath mine.
“I didn’t come here to talk about me, Kassen.”
I jolted at my name on his lips. It dragged up a million memories all over again. My ears rang with Quell’s voice murmuring my name as we’d cut ourselves in the dorm. My heart burned with echoes as Nyx made me promise to keep Wes alive.
My name had been used by guests who’d turned me into nothing more than their fuck toy but it’d also been breathed with love by my family. I’d forgotten that part. I’d allowed hate to ruin everything.
“Why did you come?” I glanced at the door where Gem had disappeared. How long did we have to talk openly? Would Jareth speak truthfully with her around or not?
Licking his lips, he ignored my question and asked one of his own. “Why the fuck are you still living here, Kas?”
I sucked in a breath, dropping my stare to my lacerated knuckles from punching him. How the hell was I supposed to answer that question? I’d only just got my full memory back without choosing amnesia over reality. I’d literally just admitted I was in love with Gemma, even after running from love for the past decade.