He rubs his nose, his horns flushed a darker shade at the base. I turn and head to the door before I can think twice. I put my hand on the control panel and it slides open. I step inside, heart hammering.
The first thing I notice is that Kazex's quarters (and Dopekh's too, I suppose) are much smaller than Straik's. The room is long and narrow, with one single-person bunk by the door and the other at the far end. There's a few pictures scattered on the walls, but they seem to mostly be of scenery on Dopekh's end, and ships and mechanical stuff on Kazex's.
Ruthie sits curled up on Kazex's bed, the blankets rumpled. She has her knees tucked to her chin and hugs them close, and I'm pretty sure that the uniform she's wearing belongs to Kazex, which makes me wonder just how much time he's been spending with her.
Her head is also shaved, her once-long, dark hair slightly longer on top in a messy mohawk. She straightens at the sight of me, watching me with a wary gaze as I sit at the foot of the bed and just stare at her.
With her head shorn like this, she doesn't look as much like me. We have the same facial features, the same high cheekbones and pointy chin, but Ruthie's features look softer than mine, and her eyes are spaced a little farther apart. We could be sisters, or twins, but we're not a hundred percent identical, and for some reason, I find that comforting.
"You shaved your head," I say in way of greeting.
She runs a hand over her shorn scalp, then tangles her fingers in the stiff locks of the mohawk up top. "I hate it, but I freaked out when I saw you. I didn't know what to think. I didn't like that I wasn't…me. So I wanted to change something. Anything."
"I get it." I really do. Straik did the same when he couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror. I draw my legs up to sit, and then realize I'm about to get into the same curled pose she's in, and stop myself. "So you go by Ruthie?"
She nods, giving me a wavering smile identical to my own. "Always have. I'm not sure about more, though. I have…gaps." Ruthie purses her lips. "It's like I should know more but I don't realize what I'm missing until it's not there in my head, if that makes sense."
Oh god. "Too much sense." My stomach lurches. "Do you remember your last name?"
She shrugs. "You?"
I shake my head. "Straik says that sometimes if you're in stasis for a long time, the chemicals can interfere with your mind. I told myself that was what happened to me but now I'm not so sure."
"I was told that I'd hit my head during the kidnapping from Earth and that's why I don't remember things." Ruthie gives a delicate laugh. "I hate to break it to you, but one of us has been lied to."
84
RUTH
One of us is a clone. I thought coming in here would give me answers, but I'm not sure. "You sound different than me," I say to Ruthie. "Our inflections are different."
She nods. "There's probably other small differences that'll come out in time. We just have to be patient and watch for them." She sucks on her lower lip, thinking. "Do you suppose I'm the copy?"
"I honestly don't know. Straik says he can test us and they can look for markers. Determine which of us is the clone." My stomach feels more knotted than ever. "Which of us is the real Ruth."
"Does it matter to you?" she asks in a hushed voice. Her tone is gentler than mine. She doesn't have the brimming anger that's fueled her for the last three years.
Three years…I wonder if we're the same age? How long has she been “Ruthie”? "It matters to me, but I'm not sure I want to know the answer."
"Straik is the captain, right?"
"He's the big, blue-skinned guy and my husband. Stay away from him."
She rolls her eyes and for a moment it's like looking in a mirror. "I'm not interested, thanks." She watches me closely, voice trembling as she grows serious again. "So if you find out I'm the clone…Kazex was saying I don't have red skin. That there's not a legal marker allowing me—or you—to be created. He was saying you could get rid of me and no one would care."
He's not wrong, and Straik even offered to do it for me. But I shake my head, because it wouldn't solve anything. Even if we spaced her and pretended like she didn't exist, I'd know the truth. I can't just nuke someone with the same face as me because it makes me panicky. "We're not going to do that to you. Whatever happens between you and me, you're safe. Straik's a good man. He treats all the clones on his crew like they're people. That includes you and me."