Her fingers scratch at the back of my head, an intense distraction that makes me want to rub against her hand like a pet vying for affection. "Don't panic. I was just curious. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"Good," I say curtly, moving her off my lap and striding to my feet. I pace again, trying to ignore the throb of my cock in my trou. The fact that she has to ask that means that my lack of experience must be obvious. It's not that I haven't had opportunities. It’s not that I haven’t tried. Females and males will throw themselves at anyone with a house name, just looking to climb the social ladder. But it feels as if everyone I run into has a hand out or a calculating purpose, so I've never trusted it.
I’ve had females sneak into my quarters before. I’ve hired companions, too, hoping that after a few nights in bed together and a few touches, I would feel…something. Some sort of desire to continue touching, to actually mate. But it just ends up going nowhere and I send them away, dissatisfied.
Just sleeping—nothing but sleeping—with a client tends to be frowned upon by most whoremasters. I do like sleeping with someone, though—with a warm body curled next to mine. It makes me feel less alone. So bedmates? Yes.
Lovers? No. It’s hard to want someone to touch you when you know all they truly want is a few credits. So I’ve tried. I’ve tried many times, and I’ve touched females, but whenever it’s their turn to touch me, I stop them. I don’t trust their motives.
Ruth has a calculating purpose too, of course, but her desire to be reunited with her friends feels more sincere than most of the reasons people attempt to get into my bed. Perhaps that's why I've kissed her as many times as I have. Perhaps that's why the idea of her touching me doesn't make my stomach churn.
"You don't have to seduce me to get on station," I tell her. "Nor do you have to seduce me to be returned to your friends. I require nothing from you. Remember that."
Her face scrunches up and she gets to her feet, throwing a tunic at me. "Fuck you. I'm not seducing you! I was trying to be sensitive, you motherfucker."
I catch the tunic, and when I grab it, something hard stabs into my hand. I immediately drop it and open my palm to stare at the needle sticking out of the base of my thumb.
Ruth gasps as if stricken and leaps off the bed. "Oh god!" She rushes over to me and plucks the needle out of my hand, staring down as if she's somehow responsible. "I forgot the needle was in there."
"Needle?" I echo dumbly, far more interested in her reaction than the pinprick of pain.
She takes my hand in hers and gazes at it, distraught. "I was sewing one of your tunics together so you'd have something to wear. I lost my temper and…I didn't mean to stab you. Straik, I'm so sorry."
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. You're bleeding." The moment the droplet appears on my skin, she lifts my hand to her mouth and licks it away.
My cock goes stiff as metal.
Ruth pauses, and her gaze flicks to mine. Her cheeks flush, as if she's just now realizing what she's done, and her small pink tongue darts out again to lick my skin. "I don't know why I did that. Habit, I guess. Whenever I stab myself, I just lick it clean. Sorry. You probably think humans are gross."
I swallow hard. "I do not think you are gross, Ruth."
"I wasn't trying to hurt you," she whispers again, pressing her mouth to my hand. "Please take me with you on station."
Just like that, the spell is broken. I tear my hand out of her grasp, shaking it, as if I can somehow shake away the feelings she incites in me. "I said you don't have to kiss me or seduce me to get what you want, Ruth," I grit out. I'm disappointed. Here I thought she was different, and she's using gentle words and caresses to get her way.
So much for honesty. I prefer her anger and outrage to her deception. She's making me want things…deliberately. And now that she suspects I'm a virgin, I'm all the more susceptible to her wiles.
"But you're mad now," she counters.
Over this pinprick? I'm more angry that she thinks she has to manipulate me with her mouth. "Just make sure you're dressed properly and stay in my quarters until I call for you. When I return, expect to wear a slave collar. I won't activate the shock-aspect, but you'll still have to behave like a pet. If you make this difficult, you'll be spending the rest of this journey in the brig."