Now I'm noticing things…and I don't want to.
So I shrug, lifting a hand and pretending to stare at my (ragged, awful) nails since it gives me something to look at. "I actually came on board to spy on you. To see if you guys were going to hurt the four of us on the Star. I didn't know you'd be taking off."
That makes Straik start pacing again. He rakes a hand over his head, but there's no hair left there—it's all been shorn down to nothing practically, and I can tell by the way he pauses that it's jarring to him. "Trust me, I am regretting that." He pauses and then looks over at me. "Why did you kiss me?"
Heat flushes through my body. He had to ask about that, did he? "You weren't very good at it. I thought you needed schooling."
36
STRAIK
Schooling?
She thinks I need schooling with kissing?
I'm offended.
I'm also noticing that she seems highly uncomfortable. Ruth won't look me in the eye. Is she scared of me? I did spank her earlier—an action that shocked me with how natural it seemed—or is it something else? She kissed me. That can't be because of fear…can it?
Unless it's more scheming.
That has to be the answer, and I'm disappointed when I realize it. "Your manipulation games won't work on me."
Ruth gets flustered, jumping to her feet. "That-I didn't-that wasn't manipulation, you oaf."
I move to her side and tap on her shoulder, knocking her lightly back to the bed. She thumps down on it again, scowling up at me. "Stay there," I command. "And if it wasn't manipulation, what was it?"
She shifts on the bed, restless, and won't meet my eyes again. "I told you. You gave me a shitty kiss," she mutters. "Should have just given you a hug instead."
"A hug," I echo flatly. When she traces a finger on my bed and shrugs, it occurs to me that she's being oddly…shy. "Why would you hug me?"
Ruth draws circles on the bedding with her finger, lifting her shoulders in yet another shrug. "I just know what it's like to have the world fall apart around you. And you've been having a few pretty bad days."
It was sympathy, then? Or is this more of her games? I can't tell. Her comment about how bad my day has been makes me ache with exhaustion—and disappointment. "It has definitely been a memorable week, in all the wrong ways." My mother's trying to get me killed, my uncle wants nothing to do with me, I've got a ship full of humans and clones (and now three pissed off corsairs) and my crew is deciding they want to be paid in flesh.
I…don't think I've had a worse week, actually. The human on my bed that's been such a pain in my keffing ass? She's the least of my problems, and that's bizarre to realize.
Ruth tilts her head and glances up at me. "Did you…want a hug?"
Is that sympathy on her face? Is that why she kissed me? The thought makes my mood sour. "I have never had a hug."
"Well, then you absolutely need one," she says briskly, getting to her feet. She opens up her arms. "Come on. We'll hug it out."
I move forward, intrigued by the thought. My mother was not affectionate and my father died prior to my birth. My companions were older servants who had to give me everything I asked for. It was an opulent upbringing but certainly not a warm one. It's never occurred to me that I might be missing out on something…until now. I think about the va Sithai brothers and how they were constantly ribbing each other, grabbing one another by the shoulders and pinching cheeks or sticking fingers in ears and being a nuisance to one another, like children. It was clear there was great affection between them, though, and for a moment, I ache with envy.
I move forward and Ruth wraps her arms around me, tucking her head against my chest. She squeezes me, pressing herself against my skin and rubbing my back. "There now, isn't this better?"
I honestly do not know.
It is strange. Her skin against mine feels comforting, as does the drag of her hands up and down my back. But she is also pushing her body against mine, her breasts included, and that makes parts of me react. Parts of me that I swore were not attracted to a captive human.
I am just as much a liar as Dopekh, it seems, when it comes to this female, but for entirely different reasons. He lied because he was not attracted to her, and I lie because I cannot stop thinking about her. Ruth sighs in my arms, holding me close, and I wrap mine around her hesitantly. I am not entirely comfortable with this, but she fits perfectly under my chin.