“Hey, why are you hiding out here?” I asked as I went over to him and sank down beside him. Looking up in surprise, he offered me a smoke, which I took.
He didn’t say anything, only squinted at the glowing tip. I inhaled deeply but noticed a bit of blood from Marcella on my fingers. A new wave of anger mixed with despair over the hopeless situation crashed down on me. This was such a goddamn mess.
“I heard about what happened to the girl,” Gray said eventually.
His expression made it clear that he felt sick to his stomach about it.
“It was a mistake,” I said.
Surprise crossed his face. I rarely criticized Earl’s decisions.
“I thought you wanted the kidnapping.”
“Not at first, but then I figured it was the perfect way to get our hands on Vitiello.”
“And now you don’t think it is?”
“I still think we should let him exchange himself for Marcella. But Earl wants Vitiello to crawl and beg, and even then, he probably wouldn’t be satisfied.”
“The guy will go crazy when he sees his daughter’s earlobe,” Gray murmured. “Earl had me sent it off to him.”
I shook my head. “Fuck. This is a fucking mess.”
“How is the girl? She’s in your room?”
“Yeah, she’s sleeping now. Of course, she was freaked out. Who wouldn’t be after what happened?”
Gray sighed. “I hope this is over soon.”
“The kidnapping?”
“The kidnapping, the revenge. All my life, I only heard Earl and you talk about revenge on Vitiello. I just want us to move on and really focus on making Tartarus stronger.”
A life without revenge as a focus seemed impossible. It had become such an integral part of the club. Revenge was the reason why Earl’s authority had never been questioned. Fights within the club just weren’t an option while in war with the Famiglia. Maybe that was why Earl suddenly wasn’t too keen on ending Vitiello.
“Maybe you can talk to Earl, ask him when the exchange will happen, and convince him to hurry the fuck up.”
Gray gave me a look as if I’d grown a second head. “You know Dad doesn’t listen to me. He thinks I’m incapable. You are his favorite son.”
“I’m not his son,” I said firmly, surprising myself. In the past, I’d often caught myself longing for Earl to be my father, but this desire had disappeared completely after today.
“Someone has to talk to him and make him see reason. The club needs to move on like you said. And that can only happen when we finally kill Vitiello.”
“Sometimes I think killing Vitiello will only be another step of the war. After that his family will seek revenge, and then we’ll seek revenge on them again, and so on.”
Deep down I knew Gray was probably right, but I didn’t care what happened after, I just wanted to get rid of Luca. But first I’d make sure Marcella was safe. Whatever came after was irrelevant.
I woke to a fierce throbbing in my left ear. Sitting up, I winced when I touched my bandaged ear, remembering the events of yesterday. I’d passed out quickly after they’d cut off my earlobe and not experienced much of the pain, nor had I seen my cut-off earlobe. I’d only woken when Gray had awkwardly carried me up the stairs and into the bedroom. I’d dragged myself over to the bathroom where Maddox had eventually found me.
“There are painkillers on the nightstand,” Maddox said. My head swiveled around to where he sat on the windowsill, only in jeans. A wave of relief over his presence followed by anger raced through me. This was his fault, and even his worried expression didn’t make him less guilty.
His cut lay beside him. It was never far from him. The cut, his club, they meant the world to him.
“You have every right to give me that look. I’d hate myself too if I were you.”
I didn’t hate him, unfortunately. I was furious but I still didn’t hate him. I shoved out of bed, swaying briefly. Maddox crossed the room in a flash, grabbing my waist.
After a moment, I pushed him away. I needed a shower, to clean myself of the dried blood in my hair and neck, and to feel more like myself again. Maddox didn’t stop me as I stumbled toward the bathroom. Cowering under the streaming water, despair overwhelmed me. I was afraid of what else Earl had planned for me. I was scared for Dad, for my family. I was even scared for Maddox, which didn’t even make sense. I needed to get away from here.
When I stepped out of the shower, a clean wife beater and boxers waited on the toilet lid for me. I got dressed, then took my time brushing my hair, trying to calm down and figure out what to do, but no matter how often I looked for an out, Maddox came up. He was the only one who could save me, all of us, even himself, now.