“You should try the éclairs. They’re delicious,” he offered. “A friend of mine makes them. This coffee shop has a connection to the bakery next door. Macon Miles used to work for my boss’s brother. He owns several restaurants. Macon was once his pastry chef.”
She didn’t look down this time. “Thanks, but I ate earlier. I have a few questions about Friday.”
“You know you’ll still be gorgeous if you eat the éclair, right?”
Her shoulders straightened. “Mr. Malone, do you know how often I’ve had my body criticized? I might not have read the books you sent me yet, but I’m pretty sure there’s a no-shame clause.”
He sat up straighter, surprise going through him. “I wasn’t shaming you.”
“You were questioning my choices about what I do or don’t do when it comes to my body. In this case, I believe you’re telling me I’m too skinny.”
He frowned her way. “I didn’t say that.”
“If a male friend of yours was sitting here and told you he was watching his carbs or he was full, would you question him?” Vanessa asked.
“No. I might rib him a little if I knew him well. I wasn’t criticizing you.”
“You might think you aren’t, but we don’t know each other well enough to joke, and I can assure you the statement forced me to consider how you perceive my body.” She took a long breath. “I’m sensitive. I’ve spent most of my adult life either being told I’m too skinny and I’m forcing an impossible beauty standard on young women or I’m fat and I’m letting people down.”
She’d caught him completely off guard, and he was interested in why she’d had that reaction. “Why would people be let down?”
“Fans, Mr. Malone. I told you I was an actress for a long time. At one point my social media pages had millions of followers, and I spent a good portion of my time photoshopping every single image I put out because all of those followers had a say in what I looked like. I’m sure you didn’t mean to make me self-conscious, but you did.”
There was the guilt again. Her forthright reaction hit him far harder than any hedging could have. She was right. He wouldn’t have said that to a male friend. He would have shrugged and eaten what he wanted himself and moved on. Why had he said it to her? “I apologize. I didn’t think about it that way. I wanted to share it with you.”
She blinked, and he caught a sheen of tears. “Yeah, well, the sad part is I would love to try it, but I only brought enough cash for the coffee and the tip. But I’m right about the other stuff. Saying things like that makes women self-conscious, and we’re already aware every second of the day what we look like.”
“You thought I was going to make you pay for your coffee?”
Her shoulders were right back up. “We’re in a training relationship. This isn’t a date. I pay my way, and coffee is what I can afford.”
Something softened inside him, and he reached out for her hand. “Vanessa, this might not be a date, but I never intended for you to pay. I’m the top. It was only a courtesy and the need to share something I enjoy with the woman I’m with. I’m not offering you éclairs in exchange for submission. I promise. Forgive me. I didn’t mean to make you feel small.”
In that moment, he meant it. He felt her fragility and how much she needed her pride. He didn’t understand it. He’d never gone a day in his life without money. It was always there, and he took it for granted. The fact that he had money also made him generous with it. He paid for things because he could, and he never expected his friends to pay him back.
How would it feel if everything he had was taken away and he was left with nothing? Would he understand her then?
Or was he being played again?
She hesitated for a moment, and then her hand covered his. “I’m sensitive about that, too. I need to understand what you know about my past before we move forward. I can’t get invested in even a training relationship until you understand what you’re taking on.”
“I know who you are. After we met, I was curious. I looked up Vanessa Jones and found your stage name. It’s not a problem.” Now he was the one who was lying, but that was the nature of this particular game.
“You know what they say about me?” Vanessa asked quietly.
“I didn’t read anything in depth, but I know about your marriage, and I know you’re involved in a dispute over the will of your late husband.” This could be good for him. It meant he could talk to her about her past, get her to open up and trust him. Maybe get her to stumble and admit something she shouldn’t.