Doing a walk of shame is yet another college experience I can cross off my list.
After spending the entire weekend together, I don’t think I could come again in my life, and even though the pain is gone, I’ll never forget the sex.
Every time I feel his kind smiles directed at me during class, my body goes warm. That’s nothing compared to when we lock eyes and he looks at me knowingly. It’s like he’s reminding me he knows what I look like naked and writhing beneath him.
Now my face is on fire.
I manage to get it under control by the time class finishes, but then I find Foster in the hall waiting for me, and it happens all over again.
“It’s a good thing you talked to Professor Lawrence before anything happened between us. These cheeks are a dead giveaway.” He runs a finger over my skin.
“Your fault,” I murmur.
“Grant!” Topher calls from the end of the hall. “We have to go before Coach has a coronary.”
Foster sighs. “I’d better hurry, but I wanted to see you before I left. Practice is going to be crazy for a while. Our first game is on Saturday, and even though I’m not playing, Coach is riding me hard to make up for the Morris incident.”
I nod and can’t help feeling responsible. At least partially.
“See you ’round?”
I nod again.
It makes sense he’ll be busy with the season starting.
I shift my messenger bag onto my other shoulder and make for my next class, reminding myself he didn’t promise anything more than sex, and the fact I even got that much from him is mind blowing to consider.
The thing is, now that I’ve had him, I want more. My body already misses his, and not only because of the sex. While we spent a fair chunk of the weekend making each other come, there were all those moments in between too. The talking and laughing, the sweet kisses and gentle caresses.
How pathetic am I that I already miss spending time with him?
I remind myself not to be greedy as I try and dislodge the sudden melancholy at the prospect of not seeing him much this week.
The emotion will only win if I let it.
Yes. Control. I have it.
It’s lucky I have so much to focus on that I’m able to lose myself in work to the point where days bleed together. Taking on another of Professor Lawrence’s classes and planning my thesis means late nights and early mornings. Breakfast is barely after dawn each day, and the only way I measure time is by my scheduled office hours.
I’m staring blankly at my computer screen when my phone starts to ring. “This is Zach.”
“One day you’re going to answer ‘hello’ like a normal person.”
I smile at Seth’s voice. “We both know the likelihood of that is minimal.”
“What’s going on?” His tone is tense. “It’s Thursday, and you haven’t called me. Usually we talk every second day.”
Thursday? I quickly check my calendar. “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
“Busy …” He sounds suspicious. “Either my brother is taking up all your time and you’ve forgotten about me, or …” Seth sighs. “You’re deep in studying, aren’t you?”
I push up my glasses to rub my eyes. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Have you been eating?”
I try to remember, but now that he’s mentioned it, I am a bit hungry. “I had a banana,” I answer as I pull up my to-do list and type in “get sustenance.”
“For breakfast?”
“It’s possible.”
Seth groans, and I can picture him rubbing his temple. “Is this because of Foster?”
“No.”
“I swear to god, if he hurt you—”
“He hasn’t.” It’s true. It’s not Foster’s fault I can’t stop thinking about him. “Everything was perfect. The weekend was amazing, and now I can focus back on my work.”
He doesn’t immediately answer. “Has he messaged you?” Seth’s tone has softened considerably, and at least I can relax knowing he doesn’t sound ready to go after his brother.
“Yes.”
“And did you write back?”
“To his practice sucks texts? Yes. I said studying also sucks.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“That’s all you wrote? What exactly did he say?”
“Practice has been crazy. Hope you’re okay … Something along those lines.” Exactly along those lines. “There was another where he was checking in, but it hasn’t been anything major.”
“Wait, he said he hopes you’re okay and was checking up on you? What a monster!”
“Seth, I might not understand dating, but I know Foster has a lot going on this year with hockey, and I don’t want him to feel pressured to make time for me. He’s busy. I get it.”
“The season does start in a few days. He is busy. Dad said his coach is working him hard because of the UVM game.”
“Precisely. And I’ve been busy too. I’ve been researching. So it’s fine.” And maybe if I say it’s fine a couple more times, I’ll believe it. It’s only been three days since I last saw him, so why do I miss him the second he’s mentioned? I refuse to go back to being reliant on someone again. Foster can’t afford that.