“Twin intuition,” Law says.
“I call bullshit.”
“Honestly, I’ve suspected it for a while. Reed was telling me about a guy who kept rejecting Brody. Now, apart from me, I’m pretty sure the only guy in a fifty-kilometre radius to turn down Brody would be someone who couldn’t go out with him. Add that to the fact Brody wouldn’t tell Reed who he was chasing, that made me think it was someone we know. And Reed literally only knows you, me, and Brody.”
I snort. “Yeah, your boyfriend is a bit of a loser.”
Law laughs, knowing I’m not being serious but trying to push the focus from me and Brody.
“How long?”
“We first kissed about a month ago.”
“Hmm, a month. How different for you.”
I ignore his snark, because this is not the same as all those other guys. This isn’t a one-month freak-out. It’s a Brody freak-out. It’s a “I thought I finally had something that could work, only to be proven otherwise” freak-out.
“I fought pretty hard to keep my distance,” I say. I should’ve fought harder. Then I wouldn’t be here feeling this way again.
Helpless.
Pathetic.
A lost cause.
“Mmhmm. And he’s the reason you started seeing the other therapist?”
“Yup.” God, I went to sex therapy for this guy. That’s how delusional I was that I could have some semblance of a normal life. I shake my head. “It was a sex therapist … you know, in case you didn’t get that from my vague description.”
“Oh, it was about as vague as an anvil dropping on my head. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Did you think we’d be mad?” he asks.
“No. I knew you’d go all overprotective brother on Brody, and you guys already have enough bad blood because he used to have a thing for Reed.”
Law side-eyes me. “Used to?”
“Yeah. Turns out he doesn’t have a thing for who Reed is now but for the guy he was obsessed with as a teenager. First love and all that other bullshit. I can honestly say he does not have a thing for your boyfriend.”
“Well, good, because using you while having feelings for someone else would be a shitty thing to do.”
“Ooh, look at that, the overprotectiveness is already beginning, but you’re too late. Won’t be needing it.”
“That’s not being overprotective. That’s me pointing out what a douche he’d be if he hurt you like that.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not the one who’s going to be doing the hurting.”
“Then who is?” Law asks, and I give him my best pleading eyes. “No. No way. I am not breaking up with Brody for you.”
“You don’t have to do it as me. And it’s not really a break-up. Can’t be a break-up when we’re not really together.”
Law looks unimpressed. “Tell that to all your little fuck buddies who threw drinks on me when I did your dirty work.”
“Please, Law? I can’t face him. I just can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared if I see him, it will ruin any chance of a future with him. I’m terrified that when I look at his face, all I’ll be able to see is my past. I need … I don’t know exactly what I need, but it has to be without him. It’s too fresh, too raw, and I’m fucking exhausted.”
“So talk to him about that,” Law emphasises, and I don’t care if he makes a point.
When it feels like my world is imploding, there’s no telling my brain that it’s as simple as talking about it.
Brody has taken all my quirks in stride. He’s supported me and challenged me, but I’ve always known something would swoop in and take it all away. Because happy feelings never last.
Who would sign on for a lifetime of this shit? Of me breaking at any moment. Of not being able to even have sex without restraints.
It’s not doable.
Karen says not to use the word impossible, but that’s exactly what this feels like.
When Law pulls into his driveway, I tense at the sight of Brody’s fancy-ass car.
“And here’s your chance,” Law says. “Explain what happened. Tell him everything. I doubt he’ll run away.”
“Maybe he should.”
Law sighs. “Nothing good will happen when you’re like this, and I’m not going to baby you into thinking this behaviour is okay. I’m also not going to go in there and tell him it’s over between you two.”
“Where the hell did tough-love Law come from? Fine, don’t go in there and tell him it’s over, but can you at least tell him to leave? There’s no way I can face him right now.”
“When will you be able to?”
“I dunno. Ten years?” I quip.
My brother’s unimpressed. His jaw tightens, and I can tell he doesn’t want to do as I say, but he will.
“You gonna wait in the car?” he asks.
“Nope. I’m gonna take your car for a drive.”
“You’ve had Valium. Are you right to drive?”
“I’m literally going around the block so I don’t have to watch Brody walk out on my life.”