“I hate that they don’t.”
Brody huffs. “God, I hate myself for being a good guy right now.”
I laugh. “Funnily enough, so do I.”
“How so?”
“Sometimes, I want to put myself in the scariest situation possible so I can get it over with, you know?”
“I’m no therapist, but that sounds like a horrible idea.”
“That’s what my actual therapist says. It’s all about gradual steps. But it’s so frustrating when I want something and can’t go for it.”
Brody breaks out into a small smile. “Am I that something you want?”
I grunt. “Only you could turn that into an ego boost.”
Now that we’ve stopped pawing at each other, a different set of paws circles our legs.
“I guess we should get to the rest of the cleaning,” I say.
“I’d say we could leave it until tomorrow, but if we let Lucky—”
“Meatball. I’ve officially changed her name.”
“We’re not calling her Meatball.”
“Yes, we are.” I’m proud I’m not freaking out over a “we” label—even if it’s only in terms of being roommates and friends.
For the first time in five years, I’ve made an actual friend.
“Demon cat will just go back out there and get sauced again if we don’t clean up the kitchen. And your bedroom.”
I pull Meatball into my lap. “She’s not a demon cat.”
“No, but it seems she is yours now.”
“What can I say, she adopted me.”
Make that two friends.
10
Brody
Who’s the biggest moron on the planet? That would be me. For sure. One hundred percent dumbass.
Kissing my roommate? Dumb.
Doing it again? Super dumb.
Stopping it from going any further? Dumbest dumb to ever fucking dumb.
So dumb that I’ve got no other word to use than dumb.
Anders makes me not smart.
Clearly.
After the bathroom incident, I send Anders to bed while I clean the apartment because being around him is too much temptation. I want to kiss him again.
I want to do a whole lot more than kiss him.
Anderson Steele is burrowing under my skin without even meaning to, and my heart hasn’t been knocked on its ass by a guy since … well, Reed.
What Reed and I had was puppy love. Not in the puppy kink sort of way, but boys discovering they’re into other boys type of way. The truth is, I did fall hard for him back in high school. I had all those forever thoughts and thought he’d move to Brisbane for me when we started university. Instead, he stayed on the Sunshine Coast and never came to visit.
We talked about doing long distance, but Reed was adamant it wouldn’t work. So, we broke up, but I always wondered. It was so easy being with him.
When he told me he was moving to Brisbane for work, I stupidly thought we’d pick up where we left off, but he’d only been here a few weeks when I first caught up with him and he told me all about this great but weird guy he was seeing.
I know Law thinks I still have a thing for Reed, and maybe I do, I don’t know. There are definite feelings there, but when I look at Anders, it doesn’t compare.
When I look at Reed, I think, yeah, it’d be easy and convenient to be with him. I see Anders and want to make things right in his world. I want to protect him and hold him and just … make the scary go away.
With Anders, it’s about what I want to do for him, not how convenient he’d make my life. I don’t want anything from him but for him to be happy.
I’ve always had a pull towards him—ever since I met him. I thought it was the thrill of the chase, but I’m starting to think it’s this deep-seated need to help him heal.
Last night, after finding out the horrible thing he went through, I made the silent vow to make sure he never experiences that type of pain again.
If only he’ll let me.
By the time I fall into bed, it’s early morning. My alarm’s set to go off in two hours, and I’m going to be dead on my feet tomorrow at work.
The sound of Lucky knocking shit over with her catty—pun totally intended—attitude makes me groan. I don’t have the energy to get up and check on what she’s doing now. I have no idea what she gets up to at night, but she can get loud. I learned fast that photo frames belong on shelves she can’t reach, and books need to be stacked upright on the bookcase. Any edges she can get her mouth around, she chews on.
Weird cat. Weird cat who’s as obsessive as I am about our gorgeous roommate who showed her so much compassion even though he claims to not like cats.
I fall asleep with Anders’ image in my head and a smile on my face.
Inevitably, though, two short hours later, I’m wishing I were dead. Or at least that my phone battery was dead, because the noise it’s making makes me want to cry.