“As much as it pains me to admit, you didn’t lead me on. I jumped to all the wrong conclusions when you turned up to my gig.”
“I figured I couldn’t live with hurting you for no reason, so I tried to make Bryce a good enough reason. I fought my draw to you, but you’ve always been there at the back of my mind and in my internet searches.”
“Oh, honey, if your search history is all me, we’re gonna need to hook you up with some good porn sites.”
Jokes are good. Comedy dims the seriousness of our admissions.
Whatever this connection I have with Soren is, it’s too strong to fight. It’s too much to handle, and I’m still terrified of walking away from this with a double broken heart.
How many times can it break until I’m completely ruined?
Soft lips land on my shoulder and trail up to my neck. “I have an idea.”
“If it involves more of your lips on me, I have to say I’m on board.” Even if I shouldn’t be.
There’s no point trying to hold back. The pull I have toward Soren is insurmountable.
“It does include my lips on you. And certain other body parts. Maybe your cock in certain parts of me.” More kissing my neck. More soft caresses.
Yeah, there’s no fighting what I have with Soren.
“Hmm, my cock in your mouth?” I ask.
“We could do that, but I was thinking of something else.”
“What could you possibly mean?” I feign innocence.
Soren grunts. “You want to fuck me or not?”
I tackle him, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. “That would be a hell yes. In case this wasn’t obvious.” I gesture between our bodies and drag my hard cock along his.
The way Soren’s body feels against mine is almost lyrical. He’s always been a muse for me—a tap for my heartache and insecurity but with that touch of hope and optimism.
We kiss and drag it out, starting slow and taking the time to enjoy each other.
By the time I move down his body to get him ready, we’re both panting.
Soren reaches for the lube on the bedside table and throws me a condom. “I don’t need much prep.”
“That’s what they all say. Then they complain when they get an ass full of this.” I grab my dick.
Soren laughs. “I do need prep, but I … I just want to feel you.”
I kiss the head of his cock. “You will.”
Guess now that I’m giving in to this, I’m gonna go all out.
I suck his cock into my mouth while I stretch his hole.
I know he said his preference is to top, but he’s a pro at letting my fingers inside. His ass contracts around them as if wanting me deeper.
My lips release him and then trail over his thigh to his sac.
“Jet, fuck.” His whole body tightens, and for a second, I reckon he’s about to come.
When I look up into his eyes, he breathes deep.
“I’m good, but that was close. I need your cock.”
Ngh. The words he says.
Rolling the condom on, I give him a chance to come back down from the edge.
Yet, even though he says he needs me, when my tip pushes past his tight ring, he winces.
“You good?”
“Keep going. You know what they say, the burning is good.”
“That’s not what my doctor says.”
Soren winces again. “Can you maybe not make me laugh while you’re inside me? Thanks.”
“Are you sure you’re all good?”
“Yes. I need … more. Give me more.”
The pressure surrounding my dick could kill me if I keep going, but I do as he says. I just go really, really slow.
That brings other problems though. Like focusing on Soren’s face as he takes more of me. The heat in his gaze. The want in his flushed cheeks. The adoration in his half-smile.
Nope, nope, nope.
Love hearts are trying to fill my eyes again. I can feel them trying to blind me to what the truth of this is—something with no future.
We both know this.
“I have an idea.” I pull out of him and fall to the bed. “Face the wall.”
Soren rolls onto his side and bends his top leg.
I enter him again, pushing in the tightest hole known to man, but now with him facing the other way, I can pretend for a moment it’s not Soren. My Soren.
And that works for a while.
I’m able to imagine the brown hair in front of me belongs to some random fan and prepare myself for the inevitable emptiness that will come once we’ve both gotten off.
I’ve never, ever, been the type of person to equate sex with love. For me, in my world, the two don’t correlate. But when I’m with Soren, even that first night, it’s hard to separate the two.
It’s easy to confuse this consuming lust with something deeper when it’s not.