He looks at me oddly and then shakes his head. “I come here when I need to think.”
When we get to the ticket booth, Julius leans down and has a hushed conversation with the clerk. I step back and let Julius conduct his business. Every few seconds, Julius looks over his shoulder and smiles at me. As I stand there, waiting for him, it dawns on me that this is precisely where I want to be right now.
Sixteen
Julius
I’m a fool for ever thinking such asinine things about Autumn. Not once today has she been the person I tried to make her out to be. I feel as though I need to apologize repeatedly for everything I said and did to her, especially making her feel like less of a person. I only hope she can forget the guy she met and like the real me because I like her a lot, even though I shouldn’t.
I love that Autumn isn’t from Portland. It gives me an excuse to see her again because I’m officially dubbing myself her tour guide. I’m going to show her everything I can when our schedules allow for it. I can’t wait to take her to the beach. First, we’ll go to Seaside, and then we’ll drive south to Lincoln City or north to Astoria. I hope she’s a fan of Goonies so I can show her the house where they filmed the movie. It’s a bold assumption to think she even likes the beach. The mountains might be more her thing, although if I remember correctly from one of my numerous eavesdropping conversations, she’s not a huge fan of the cold. Either way, I am looking forward to getting to know her more and am thankful she bid on me. Even though I know she did it out of spite. Whatever she would’ve had me do today, I would’ve taken the punishment like a champ because I deserve it after the way I treated her.
Throughout the drive to the observatory, I watch her as she takes in the scenery. She loves the old houses and how they’re strategically built on a hill, and how the landscaping is mainly made up of roses and other perennials that have held onto their petals into the fall. Every so often, I have the urge to reach over and take her hand. I’ve done it a couple of times today and love the way her hand feels in mine. Except, I shouldn’t feel this way. My heart should be cold and dead inside after the things Elena has done. It should also feel a pang of longing for my wife, and it doesn’t. My heart jumps with excitement when I think about Autumn. It has since the night I met her on the balcony, and the rapid beating I feel when I’m with her—I can’t ignore. I don’t even want to, but a part of me is leery of pursuing anything. What if Autumn has an issue with the fact that I haven’t filed for divorce yet? I might if I was in her shoes. Maybe this is the push I need to get the paperwork filed, and the process started. My future could be sitting next to me, and if I don’t act accordingly, I could lose her. Something deep down tells me I don’t want to lose Autumn.
As soon as I pull into the observatory parking lot, it hits me that she might have been here. I know I asked if she’s done any sightseeing, but I never considered the weather station not far from here. She’s probably been up here a million times already. I don’t give her time to tell me she has. I’d rather not know and continue with my plan. After I park and shut off her car, I get out and go to her side to open her door. This is another excuse for me to hold her hand, which she doesn’t seem to mind.
When I get to the ticket booth, Autumn lets go and walks to the edge of the pavement. I wish it were spring right now because the colorful roses are a sight to behold. “Good afternoon,” I say when the clerk sits down. “I’d like to rent the upstairs of the observatory for an hour, please.”
“We only allow this with a reservation and a monetary donation.”
I nod, knowing this policy as I’ve done this more often than I care to admit. I pull out my wallet and slide my credit card through the slot. “How much on very short notice.”
The clerk looks at me, probably wondering if I’m serious. He has no idea how serious I am. He tells me he has to ask his manager and leaves me standing there. I use this time to spy on Autumn, to see what she’s doing. I peer around the bend, catching a glimpse of her standing there, facing the city. I wonder what is going through her mind right now. Is she in awe of what she sees or completely bored?