“It’s how it was in the valley when she buried her brother,” Kaden said. “It stopped every soldier.”
For the Kingdoms rose out of the ashes of men and women
and are built on the bones of the lost,
and thereunto we shall return if Heaven wills.
And so shall it be for evermore.
Evermore.
The final word ate through me—the looming permanence if I didn’t get her out of here soon. I watched Kaden studying her.
“But he’ll be kind to her, right?” I said. “The wedding will be a day for both of us to celebrate. We can wash our hands of her at last. A lot of trouble, isn’t she?”
I watched his jaw tighten, the imperceptible flinch of his shoulder. He wanted to jump me for throwing the truth in his face. I almost wished he would. I’d like to have it done with him once and for all, but I had bigger worries to puzzle out and little time to do it. The wedding had shortened my deadline by a week—and now the others were here. I turned to leave.
“You walk freely through the Sanctum now, Emissary?”
“A lot has changed in a week, Assassin, for both of us. Welcome home.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
I had been here for such a short time, but it already felt like a lifetime. Every hour was wrung with fear, and I had to hold back from what I wanted to do more than anything else. The task seemed rightfully mine, as much as love had seemed mine to find all those months ago when I ran from Civica. My destiny now seemed as clear as words on paper. Until one comes who is mightier. A few words with so much promise. Or maybe only a few words of madness.
I took another ribbon from the basket and tied it to a crossbar on the overhead lantern. I had lowered it with the rope so it was within reach, hoping to occupy my mind with something else for a few blessed minutes. Something that took me to a world outside of the Sanctum. But my thoughts kept going back to one thing.
It’s harder to kill a man than a horse.
Was it? I didn’t know.
But there were hundreds of ways, and they all burned within me. A heavy pot swung into the skull. A three-inch knife plunged into the windpipe. A push from a high wall. Every time I passed an opportunity by, the fire blazed hotter, but the desire burned side by side with a different searing need, to save someone I loved when I had let another down so miserably.
If I killed the Komizar, there would be a bloodbath. I had nothing to offer the governors, Rahtan, or chievdars; no alliances, not even a cask of wine to make it worth keeping me alive. My only certain ally on the Council was Kaden, and he alone couldn’t erase the target I would inherit on my back. For now, I didn’t just want to stay alive for Rafe, I needed to stay alive for him. This marriage might not free him, but at least it wouldn’t cut his life short. I would always have that to hold over the Komizar—the fervor would end if he harmed Rafe—a marriage bought us both more time. That was all. There were no guarantees beyond that.
I remembered my conversation with Berdi after Greta had been murdered, not caring about guarantees and thinking I’d marry the devil himself if it offered the slimmest chance to save Greta and the baby. Now it seemed that was just who I would be marrying. I leaned on my window ledge, looking up at the heavens. The gods had a wicked sense of humor.
I tied the last ribbon and pulled the rope to lift the chandelier again. A rainbow of color fluttered overhead, and I wondered what Kaden would think when he saw it. Guilt stabbed at me for deceiving him. He’d already been wronged so completely and fully by nobility like me. Loyalty meant everything to him. I understood that now. What else could one expect from a boy who’d been thrown out by his own father like a piece of trash? I sighed and shook my head. A Morrighese lord. Now, just like his father, I had betrayed Kaden too. On many levels. I knew how he felt about me, and strangely, I cared for him, even when I was angered by his loyalty to the Komizar. There was a connection between us that I didn’t quite understand. It wasn’t the same feeling I had for Rafe, but I knew that with our last kiss, I had led Kaden to believe there was more.
There are no rules when it comes to survival, I reminded myself. But I wished there were. The betrayals seemed never to end. Soon the Komizar would ask me to betray those who had welcomed me, to roll my eyes and fill them with the hope he had conjured, and I was sure it would serve him more than the people.
You will hold your tongue and speak the words I give to you.
I sat on my bed and closed my eyes, blocked out the whickering and stamp of horses far below my window, the clank of gates being closed, the screams of the cook chasing after another loose chicken that wished to keep its head. Instead, I was in a meadow with ribbons blowing from trees, mountains above me tinged purple, rose oil being rubbed into my back, breathing in the sweet scent a thousand miles from here.
This world, it breathes you in … shares you.
Please share me with Rafe. I do this for you. Only for you.
There was a sudden sharp knock at my door. Kaden had left with such disgust painted across his face, I knew he wouldn’t be back so soon, if ever. Was it Ulrix with another order from the Komizar? What would it be tonight? Wear the green! The brown! Whatever I command!
An ugly flash of the Morrighese court shot through me. A different setting, but years of the same orders. Wear that. Be quiet. Sign here. Go to your chamber. Hold your tongue. For the gods’ sakes, Princess Arabella, your opinion isn’t required. We don’t want to hear your voice on this matter again. I grabbed the flask on the chest and hurled it across the room. Pieces of pottery rained to the floor, and I trembled with the truth—one kingdom wasn’t much different from another.
Another knock, this one soft and uncertain.
I wiped my eyes and went to the door.
Aster’s eyes were wide. “You all right in here, Miz? ’Cause I can scoot this fetcher away and come back another time, but Calantha told me to bring him and his cart here, and it’s mighty loaded, but that don’t mean you have to be letting him in your room right now, because you’re looki