A sick feeling inside her, Nic stared at the man who faced her from a few feet away in her living room, his expression stark. This scene was becoming all too familiar, she realized on a wave of sadness. She knew exactly what was coming next.
“Let me guess,” she said unsteadily. “It’s not me. It’s you.”
Looking miserable, Joel shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark slacks. “I think you’re being sarcastic, but you’re right. It isn’t you. I’m the one who has a problem with your work.”
“This might make sense to me if I was on the job in New York or L.A. Hell, even Little Rock,” she added bitterly. “But here? Sorry, Joel, this sounds like a pretty feeble excuse to break it off.”
“It isn’t an excuse. It’s an explanation.”
“Look, if you’re tired of being together, just say so, okay? We never said this was a long-term thing. We were just having some fun together. If it isn’t fun for you anymore, then fine. It’s over. No hard feelings.”
Just a broken heart she would never let him see, she promised herself, her chin high, her eyes dry—and they would remain that way, at least until she was alone.
He scowled. “You haven’t heard anything I’ve said, have you? It wasn’t just a good time for me. It was real. Too damned real.”
She wasn’t sure she believed him. Maybe because it would hurt too badly to think he had really fallen for her but still didn’t truly understand her. “Yeah, okay. It was real. And now it’s over. Because I’d rather be a police officer than to become something else you would choose for me.”
“Because you’re reckless,” he shot back at her, looking almost angry now. “Because you take chances you don’t have to take. Because you’re the first one to jump into the middle of a fight. The one who breaks the rules even if it means you could get hurt. I can’t spend every day worrying that the next time, you’ll go too far. I care about you far too much for that. But you won’t even consider making a few changes to keep yourself safe.”
“I won’t try to turn myself into someone I’m not just to make it easier for you to be with me,” she said fiercely. “This is who I am, Joel. I’m not a saint. I don’t have an advanced degree. I don’t want to be a counselor. I’m a cop. As much as I care about you, I can’t change for you. It just wouldn’t work.”
Her veiled references to Heather had made Joel’s eyes darken and his mouth thin to a hard slit. “I haven’t asked you to be anyone but yourself,” he growled. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be careful. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
She twisted her hands in front of her. “Did you ever tell your mother we were dating? Or Ethan?”
He blinked, disconcerted by the apparent non sequitur. “I don’t—”
“Did you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I—” He paused, then shrugged. “I guess I was waiting for the right time.”
“But you never really thought that time would come, did you? You didn’t think it would last long enough for you to have to tell them. And you didn’t want to have to admit to them that they were right when they told you I was all wrong for you.”
“I didn’t—”
“The fact is, you never argued when everyone told you how wrong I was for you because you agreed with them. And you know why I’m all wrong, Joel? Because I’m not Heather! You could try all you want to turn me into her, but it would never work, as I guess you’ve finally figured out for yourself.”
Several shades of color drained from his face. She might have felt guilty about it, but the more she thought about him dumping her just because she’d performed her job that day, the angrier she became.
“That was incredibly unfair. I never compared you to Heather.”
“Didn’t you?” She stalked to the door and opened it. “You know what, Joel? You’re right. It isn’t me. It’s you. And I think you’d better leave now.”
“Nic—”
“Please go.”
He sighed. “If that’s what you want. I’ll call you later.”
“Don’t bother. I’ll be busy.” Okay, so maybe she was being churlish. She was mad.
He left without another word. Just walked out, taking her heart with him.
Nic thought about bursting into tears, but she was too angry even for that. She paced instead, muttering beneath her breath.