A friend of Donna’s who worked in a travel agency had once suggested to Laurel, in front of Donna, that Laurel and Jackson should take a week-long cruise. A second honeymoon.
“It would be good for you both,” the woman had added. “Give you a chance to get away from work and routine and spend some time enjoying each other’s company. I’m sure Donna and Carl would be delighted to watch Tyler.”
Laurel had politely brushed off the idea, saying it wasn’t a good time financially or work-wise for her and Jackson to take a week off.
“Besides,” she had murmured, “I really don’t want to leave Tyler for that long while he’s still so young.”
Donna had seemed to approve of Laurel’s response. “While I would be delighted to keep my grandson, I don’t think Tyler would be at all happy to be left behind for a week. I remember how Jackson clung to me at that age. I never left him for more than one night the whole time he was growing up, and then only for emergencies in my family. When I had to leave, Carl was always there for him.”
Laurel would be with her child even now if she hadn’t been coerced into leaving the hospital, she reminded herself when she began to feel guilty about being at home. And she would spend the night close to him, only a few steps away if he wanted her.
If he did need her during the night, she had to be rested and alert, so she forced herself to relax the muscles between her shoulders. She tried to concentrate on the pleasant massage rather than on her impatience to be back at the hospital with Tyler.
“That’s better,” Jackson approved. “Let it all go for now.”
She sank more deeply into the pillows, deliberately letting her mind empty. She fell asleep with his hands still coaxing the knots out of her neck and shoulders.
She had been asleep maybe half an hour when she woke with a sharp gasp. Though the details were already escaping her, she knew she’d had a bad dream involving Tyler.
She’d heard him calling her, sobbing her name, but she hadn’t been able to reach him. She had known it was critical that she get to him, that he was in terrible trouble, but some force had held her back.
And there had been another voice—had it been Jackson’s mother’s or her own?—telling her she should have known she didn’t know how to be a good mother.
She really should have known.
Eight
Jackson had just drifted off to sleep when Laurel’s strangled cry woke him. Hearing her gasp Tyler’s name, he knew she must have had a bad dream.
“Laurel?” His voice sounded groggy to his own ears as he rose to his elbow. “You okay?”
“I need to go back to the hospital.”
He caught her before she could climb out of the bed. “You haven’t rested long enough. Try to get a little more sleep.”
Her eyes were still unfocused, her movements jerky and uncoordinated. “I can’t. I need to get back to Tyler.”
“Laurel. Honey, you’ve had a bad dream. You’re still not fully awake. Tyler’s fine. Mom and Dad are with him. You’re just so tired you’re loopy. Lie back down, okay?”
She blinked, staring at him as if bringing his face slowly into focus. “I—”
“A bad dream,” he repeated firmly. “That’s all it was. Tyler’s okay.”
Sinking back into the pillows, she looked embarrassed as she turned her flushed face away from him. “I’m sorry I woke you. You need to rest, too.”
“I’m okay. Do you need me to get you anything? A glass of water, maybe?”
She shook her head.
“How about something to help you sleep? We have some of those over-the-counter sleeping pills that are supposed to relax you.”
“No. I don’t want to sleep too long.”
He pulled her onto his shoulder and brushed a kiss across her forehead, wishing she wouldn’t stiffen up when he held her these days. “Just once,” he murmured, “I wish you would let me take care of you. I wish you could trust me enough to believe that you can let go for a little while and the world won’t fall apart.”
“I never implied that you were untrustworthy,” she mumbled in protest. “Not in any way.”
“Then trust me now. Trust my parents. Believe that everything will be fine while we sleep because they’re capable of watching over Tyler. If we’re needed, they won’t hesitate to call us immediately.”