Jess
I get off the phone and rush to my bedroom, then shut the door and throw myself on my bed. I sob into my pillow, glad that no one is home to hear me. I lied to Ethan. I don’t have to work today. I just couldn’t hold on any longer without falling apart.
I’ve been so desperate to hear his voice, so desperate to hear him say he’s sending for me, and now that he can’t, it feels like my entire world is crashing down around my ears. I haven’t told anybody about the baby, not even my sister. I can’t bring myself to admit the truth, not now that he’s postponing everything. I’ve never felt this alone in my life.
If only I were leaving to be with him, then I’d be able to show my mom that I’m not the slutty fool that she thinks I am. I would have left without a word to her and then called in a few months, after we we’re married to tell her about the baby. But now…I don’t know what to do.
I cry until I fall asleep and when I wake up, it's dark outside, and I can hear Ben watching TV downstairs and my mom making dinner. I get up and go to the bathroom as quietly as I can to wash my face. When I look in the mirror, the girl staring back at me has obviously been crying. She's all blotchy and bloated, and I hate her for being weak.
I need to get out of here before I start to show, even if I'm not going to be with Ethan for a while. There's no law that says I have to live here in this tiny little town where there is nothing for me but serving other people.
Then it hits me all at once—my mom's Auntie Karen in Florida. I could go live with her. She's always hated how my mom treated us and she told me to come stay with her anytime I want. She won't judge me for getting pregnant. She'll help me until I can get my feet under me. Until Ethan and I can be together.
I splash my face with cold water and prepare myself to go down to dinner as though nothing is different. But everything is. I have a plan. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be gone.
It's a forty-two-hour bus ride from Maine to Florida, and the ticket will wipe out half of my savings since I have to give most of what I earn to my mom to help with the mortgage and bills. I pay the woman at the counter and pray that I can get on the bus without anyone I know seeing me.
I left a letter for Carla and Ben to say goodbye. She’ll find it tonight when she pulls back her sheets to climb into bed. As much as I hate to run without a proper goodbye, I couldn’t risk my mother finding out. She would have found a way to keep me there so I could keep working.
Settling myself into a window seat, I pull my ballcap down low on my head and bury my face in a book until we leave town. The bus is nearly empty as we make our way to the next city to pick up more passengers. Nervous knots twist my stomach when I think about what I'm doing. I only hope my Auntie Karen meant it when she said to come stay, because there's no turning back now.
“Wake up, young lady, we’re here.” I open my eyes to see the driver smiling down at me.
Sitting up, I rub my eyes and nod. “We’re in Florida?”
“Yes, ma’am. Now go get yourself some sun.” He says as he gestures for me to follow him. “You look like you need it.”
My body aches from sitting up for so long and from all the jostling, but I'm here. I'm really here. I won't have to face the grey winter of Maine. I won't have to face my mother's wrath when I start to show.
Stepping down off the bus, I feel the heat of the sun on my skin, and I smile. I'm free. I'm safe. And soon, I'll be somewhere that will feel like a real home.
“Jess!” Auntie Karen calls to me. I managed to get a hold of her yesterday afternoon and told her I was on my way. She was so thrilled, she cried.
She rushes over to me, her long, bright paisley kaftan flowing behind her, and wraps me in her arms. No one hugs like Aunt Karen. She squeezes you so tight and for so long that you smell like White Shoulders perfume for days. I hug her back, tears of relief filling my eyes.
When she pulls back, she gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek, and I know that I'll have bright orangey-red lip marks to scrub off later. But I don't even care.
“What took you so long?” she asks.
“It’s really far from here to Maine.”
“I mean, what took you so long to get the hell out of there.” She grins up at me and pats my cheeks with both hands.
“Lack of courage.”
Her eyes narrow as she looks me up and down, her eyes landing on my belly. “Nope, that’s not it. You’ve got a big reason to get away, don’t you?”
My entire face goes flush, and I nod. "This is just temporary. He really loves me, and we're going to be together. We just can't for a while."
A look of understanding crosses her face, and I suddenly feel so stupid saying that out loud. She's never going to believe it. When I say it out loud, I barely believe it. But I know how it felt when we were together. He loves me. I just have to be patient and trust him.
“Come on, let’s get you home so you can shower and I can feed you. I’ve been cooking non-stop since you called.”
I pick up my one suitcase and sling my backpack over my shoulder, then we link arms and head toward her big, old bright green Cadillac.
It’s been three days since I arrived and I haven’t been able to reach Ethan. His cell phone rings once, then the voicemail picks up. I’ve left two messages to tell him where I am and give him my aunt’s phone number, but I haven’t heard back. The last time, I even told him I had something important that he needed to know. Now, I’m regretting that because he may have heard it and gotten scared off.
I log onto my aunt’s computer to see where the Cardinals are playing next.