But he wasn’t an ordinary man and this wasn’t an ordinary house, and frankly, I wasn’t an ordinary girl.
Not when it came to him.
Not here on the floor after everything that’d transpired between us.
Bracing myself, I once again placed my hand on his knee.
His head shot up, his eyes narrowed and threatening. “You just don’t get it, do you?”
“I get that you’re in pain.”
“And you aren’t?” He scoffed. “After what I did to you?”
“You didn’t hurt me physically.”
He bared his teeth. “But I scarred you emotionally. You’ll always know what that feels like now. To be taken against your will—”
“Just like you were so many times in your past.”
He choked. “Don’t. Don’t make this about me. I’m not the victim here.”
“But you are. You were. I understand.” I shook my head. “I forgive you.”
“Stop saying that. You should never forgive someone who—”
“Who’s strangled me so many times I’ve stopped counting? Who’s slept with me on a clifftop in a storm? Who’s chained me to live with them for God knows—?”
“Exactly!” he snarled. “Hate me. Christ knows you’re fully within your right. Use that blade you keep threatening me with. Didn’t you promise to kill me if I ever took you again?” His nostrils flared. “Well? Go on. Do it! I want you to do it. I need you to do it.” His voice caught as his tone slipped into a feral groan. “I want this to stop. This shit inside my head. This never-ending loneliness. This inability to be happy...to be free.” His temper suddenly raged, shoving aside his vulnerability. “Get it over with. Do it.” He snatched my wrist, shaking me. “Don’t make me give you another reason to kill me. Because I will. I’ll hurt you. It’s a fucking guarantee. You said so yourself! You said I’d end up making a mistake, and look what fucking happened! What if I end your life the next time I snap, huh? Do yourself a favor and stop me before I have the chance.”
I didn’t reply, allowing his growing animosity to fade even as sparks of lust continued to dance in the air between us. His fingers around my wrist sent fire through my blood. The quick inhale as he jerked away and let me go sent confused desire and foolhardy attraction spearing into my belly.
I sucked in a breath.
He shook out his hand as if he couldn’t stop the tingles of heat our skin had conjured. He wasn’t the only one affected by our closeness; not the only one frustrated by our quick fuck on the floor.
I hadn’t wanted it.
He hadn’t either.
Yet it’d happened, and it still hovered around us, unfinished and expectant.
He winced as his hips rocked upward, ignoring his denials. He grunted and looked at me like a hunted thing. “Get away from me. You’re only making this worse.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Kas.”
“You should be.”
“You can trust me,” I murmured.
He looked at the ceiling, rolling his eyes. “Trust?” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe my stupidity. I expected him to yell. Instead, he whispered, “You fool, it’s you who can’t trust me.”
Goosebumps sprang over my skin as his eyes caught mine, simmering with need that reached out with violent fingers and caressed every inch of me. “I’m not asking you to get away for my benefit.” His voice lowered until it hummed with carnality. “The real reason is...” He swallowed hard as if it cost him to be so honest. “Is so I don’t repeat what I just did. I mean it. Don’t give me a chance to hurt you again. Because I will. I’m seconds away from snapping. I’m hungry and hard and the horniest I’ve ever been in my entire life, and you...you—” He laughed coldly. “You continue to touch me. You continue to give me comfort when you’re the one who deserves it. I can’t stand it. I can’t bear being this close to you and not being inside you. It’s driven me mad for the past week. It’s all I’ve fucking thought about. I’ve spent seven days in a state of unbearable need, and now that I’ve tasted you again. Christ—!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, slamming his lips together.
I froze.
My mouth parted with a soft puff of air.
He rubbed his face with his palms. “It hurts. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. Every piece of me feels like it’s tangled and throbbing. It’s fucking killing me. You’re killing me. I’m seconds away from snatching you. Moments away from sinking back inside you. Permission or no permission and that terrifies me because if I do—if I fuck you again after raping you only minutes ago, then I might as well admit I’m exactly like the guests who visited this place.” His hands balled, wedging his knuckles into his eyes as if he could eradicate everything he’d seen happen here. “At least, I have the excuse of a nightmare for the first time.” His head tipped down, his eyes blazing into mine as he dropped his shaking hands. “This time, I wouldn’t have that. I’d have to come face-to-face with the truth that for all the changes inside me, all the attempts at being good, all my wishes to be better, I’m just as sick and evil as all those other cunts, and I—”