"No, I didn't say that. It's just…" She got to her feet, staggered by the heat. "I didn't plan—"
"That's your problem." Laura—small, delicate-boned, and furious—rose as well. "It has to be in tidy order in Kate's plan. Well, life's messy."
"I know. I meant—"
Riding on a fury and frustration she herself hadn't guessed at, Laura barreled over Kate's protest. "And if you don't think yours is adequate, try mine. Try having nothing." And her voice was bitter. "An empty marriage, a man who wanted your name more than you and didn't even pretend otherwise after he had you. Try coming home every night knowing there's not going to be anyone there to hold you, that all the problems that need fixing come to you, that you have no one to lean on. And having your daughter blame you for not being good enough to keep her father under the same roof."
She stalked over to stare at the crackling flames of the fire while her friends watched in silence. "Try feeling unloved, unwanted, and crawling into bed every night wondering how you're going to make it work, how you can possibly make it right again, then come crying to me."
"I'm sorry," Kate murmured. "Laura, I'm so sorry."
"No." Exhausted and ashamed, Laura moved away from Kate's comforting hand and sat again. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from." She leaned her head ba
ck against the cushion a moment, her eyes shut as the last of the temper drained away. "Yes, I do. Maybe I'm jealous." She opened her eyes again and managed a smile. "Or maybe I just think you're stupid."
"I should have moved back in here after Peter left," Kate began. "I should have realized how much you were dealing with alone."
"Oh, stop. It's not about me. I'm just a little raw." Laura rubbed her aching temples. "That wasn't the first go-round Ali and I had today. It makes me edgy."
"I can move in now." Kate sat down beside Laura.
"Not that you're not welcome," Laura told her, "but you're not moving in."
"Blocked that escape route," Margo murmured.
"I'm not looking for escape." Kate struggled to get a grip on her tumbling emotions. "I could help with the girls, share the expenses."
"No. This is my life." Laura grimaced. "Such as it is. You have your own. If you don't love Byron, that's one thing. You can't tailor your feelings to suit him."
"Are you kidding?" Margo reached for the coffeepot. "She's been cross-eyed over him for months."
"So what? Emotions aren't any guarantee when it comes to something as big as marriage. They weren't enough for Laura." Kate sighed, shrugged. "I'm sorry, but they weren't."
"No, they weren't. If you want guarantees, send in your warranty card when you buy a toaster."
"Okay, you're right, but that's not the whole point. Can't you see he was playing me? He's been handling me all through this relationship."
Margo made a low feline sound. "Being handled by a strong, gorgeous man. Poor you."
"You know very well what I mean. You'd never let Josh push all the buttons, make all the moves. I'm telling you that Byron has a way of undermining things so that I'm sliding along in the direction he's chosen before I realize it."
"So change directions if you don't like the destination," Margo suggested.
"He called me a detour once." Remembering, Kate scowled. "He said he liked taking long, interesting detours. I actually thought it was sort of charming."
"Why don't you go back and talk this out with him instead of arguing?" Laura tilted her head, well able to imagine the scene that had taken place in Byron's kitchen. "He's probably feeling just as unhappy and frustrated as you are."
"I can't" Kate shook her head. "He told me to pick up my things at my convenience."
"Ouch." Margo looked at Kate with genuine sympathy now. "In that polite, mannerly tone of his?"
"Exactly. It's the worst. Besides, I don't know what I'd say to him. I don't know what I want." At a loss, she buried her face in her hands. "I keep thinking I know what I want, then it shifts on me. I'm tired. It's too hard to think rationally when I'm tired."
"Then talk to him tomorrow. You'll stay here tonight." Laura rose. "I have to put the girls to bed."
"She's made me so ashamed," Kate murmured when she was alone with Margo.
"I know." Margo slid closer. "At least all she made me feel was like killing Peter Ridgeway if he ever shows his sorry face around here."