Afterward, her heart sang with feelings she didn’t dare name. Nick leaned over her, his gentle fingers brushing away the tears from her cheeks.
“No more tears. That’s an order.”
She smiled around the sadness that marred the joy of being with him. “I can’t help them. You make love to me as if I’m the most precious thing in your life.”
“You are.”
“And yet you never say you love me. Why, Nick?” He tensed. Before he could withdraw, she put her hand to his cheek, forced him to look at her. “Please, tell me why you can’t love me. I promise I can live with whatever answer you give me.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “It’s very simple, matia mou. I don’t know what love is. Not with enough accuracy to say words I don’t mean. I’ve never been loved. My parents had their own agenda. When I returned from the Marines, my grandfather was too busy wondering what the hell had happened to his son and grooming me to take over the family business to bother with much else.”
“What about Alex? He loves you.”
“He’s a year older and sometimes thinks it’s his responsibility to look out for me but, yes, I suppose that is a version of love. Thing is, I don’t have a measuring stick for those feelings, and while I know saying the words would please you, I can’t say them without feeling like I’m being disingenuous. Do you get that?”
Did she? His past had shaped him into a man who couldn’t trust his own feelings or those close to him. She nodded slowly. Her heart wept for him.
She leaned up and kissed him. “I don’t like it, but I understand. In my head, anyway. And I’m sorry for what you went through, Nick.”
“It was nothing compared to what I experienced when you were in danger, baby. Promise me you’ll never put yourself in harm’s way like that again.” His words were soft, but the intent in his eyes told her he was dead serious.
Overcome with the turbulent emotion she’d experienced over the last few hours, she wanted more than anything to be done with this conversation. But she’d given in far too many times where Nick was concerned.
“I helped people in Nawaka, Nick. Throwing money at charities from the safety of your corner office is fine, and I’m not condemning anyone who does that. But I saw with my own eyes the difference I made to those children. So I don’t regret going. And given the opportunity, I’d do it again.”
He froze. “Even at the risk of attracting a madman? One who’s become so obsessed with you he’s relentlessly tracking you down on a whole other continent? What the hell happened with him, Tinkerbelle?” Nick’s regard was laser-sharp.
She thinned her lips at the memory of their conversation. “He accused me, all Westerners, of taking an interest in his country just for the sake of alleviating our boredom. I told him the same thing I’ve just told you—that I went to make a difference.” She eased out a breath. “I think in the end he believed me.”
“Clearly he did. Which is why he told you of his plans for Nawaka,” Nick ground out. “Do you know what that means? You’re now a liability to him.”
Consternation flooded through her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “God!”
His strong hands gripped her arms tighter, and he helped her up to sit with her back against his chest. “He probably also thinks you’ve hindered his chance to seize power, given that we got rid of several of his best men.”
She suddenly remembered the silent phone call a few days ago. Sucking in a breath, she told Nick.
“Thee mou, and you didn’t think to tell me?” he demanded. “I could’ve had the number traced.”
“I thought it was nothing…a wrong number.” She licked dry lips. “Do you really think he’s going to keep coming for me?”
Nick’s jaw tightened, and his face hardened into tough, granite-like implacability. “I’d like to think he won’t try anything again. Not if he wants to keep breathing. Unfortunately, he’s unhinged, so his focus is now solely on getting you back. But there’s no way in hell I’m letting that happen.”
The fierce certainty in his voice soothed her jangled nerves.
“Is there anything else you want to tell me?” he asked.
She thought of confessing Mwana’s sexual fascination with her and decided against it. There was nothing to be gained there.
She shook her head.
Nick placed a finger under her chin and forced her gaze to his troubled one. “You want me to meet you halfway. So this is me doing that, against every instinct. I won’t stop you if you decide to go on a mission like that in the future. But damn it, first we must discuss it, weigh the risks, and take the necessary precautions. Together. Agreed?”
The compromise obviously did go against his every instinct, judging by his reluctant expression. But he’d done it anyway. Happiness burst from her very soul at his effort to let go and stop trying to control her. Maybe he really could change.
“Agreed.” She smiled.
A fire lit in his eyes. Leaning down, he kissed her with a depth of passion that nearly undid her. When the need for air forced them apart, he tugged her closer still and folded his arms around her.