Maybe, just maybe, it was time to ask for help.
Finn had been one of his best friends, years ago. Things had happened, their paths had diverged, but maybe he was the friend he needed again. And so he replied, "I made a vow three years ago that I wouldn't have sex until I found the answers I needed. Sex with Kiyana would've smashed that promise, destroying the male I've become. I couldn't do it, Finn. I just couldn't do it."
Finn's gaze never wavered from his. "What vow, Alistair? Maybe I can help."
No matter if Finn was clan leader now, he was the same male from before. One who would help Alistair without hesitation.
Normally his dragon would urge him to share the truth. But this time, Alistair made the decision on his own. "Just over three years ago, my girlfriend—a dragon-shifter named Rachel—died of some sort of inner dragon disease." Layla opened her mouth, but Alistair shook his head. "I won't go into the specifics right now. However, there was talk of a possible cure in the Amazon Rainforest. But no matter what I did, I could never reach the clans living in and around there. The lack of communication lines became obvious, and Rachel slowly wasted away until she died."
He paused, doing his best to push the memories away. He was too exhausted to sort through them in front of others.
However, as Finn stared at him with curiosity and no anger, he found the strength to add, "I couldn't save her, but on her deathbed, I vowed I'd do anything to open communication lines between the different clans around the world. Until I could assure something like this wouldn't happen to someone else because of not being able to talk with other dragon clans, I would dedicate my free time to research a solution. To do that, I added a bit to the vow for myself—no sex until I found answers."
"And so that's why you rejected Kiyana."
He nodded. "I couldn't do it, Finn. Aye, I want the lass, but I can't turn my back on something so important. Until I discover how clans can be open with each other and are willing to help one another, I can't think of myself. Too many people could die if I put off or give up on my project. The thought of another Rachel slowly wasting away is too much for me."
Finn's voice was softer. "Why didn't you come to me for help? Even before I took over the leadership, I would've helped you, Alistair."
Since shaking his head required too much effort, he merely replied, "There were so many other problems, not to mention there's still a lot of prejudices surrounding other clans outside the UK. Once everyone found out Rachel was from America, it would've made things even more complicated."
"America?" Finn echoed.
"Aye, we met during university. I don't know if you remember when I took that research trip three years ago, but that's when I took a ship to America, to be with her during her last days."
Finn ran a hand through his hair. "Alistair, fuck, you should've told me about this." He opened his mouth to protest, but Finn continued before he could say a word. "But the past is the past, and we have to deal with the future. Times have changed from three years ago, and you bloody well know it. Your plan actually aligns with something Sid and Gregor are doing down on Stonefire."
Gregor Innes had been Lochguard's head doctor until he mated a female dragon on Stonefire. Alistair hadn't heard much about the dragonman since he'd left Scotland. He frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Layla finally spoke up again. "Aye, it's true. Sid and Gregor are trying to form a worldwide medical association for dragon-shifters. They've been working on it for a wee while now."
"I had no idea," he murmured.
"Exactly." Finn lightly smacked the side of Alistair's head. "Which makes you an idiot. You didn't have to do this alone, and you won't have to, either, going forward." Finn stood and placed his hands on his hips. "But for the moment, we need to discuss Kiyana Barnes."
"I still can't claim her, Finn."
"Your bloody vow, aye? I doubt you could've fulfilled it yourself, even if you reached the ripe old age of one hundred. Are you willing to sacrifice your entire life to this vow? It's obvious you cared about this Rachel a great deal, and I respect that. But if she cared even half as much about you, then she would've wanted you to be happy, Alistair. Kiyana seems a good sort, your dragon wants her, and more importantly, she wants you, too. Granted, not all true mates end happily ever after, but I can tell you that it did for me. Arabella means the world to me. Don't you want a chance of that for yourself?"
His first thought was that he did. His mother had been correct earlier in that he'd always pictured himself with a mate and children. A family to love and hold close, and hopefully steer to a less chaotic existence than what he'd experienced during his own childhood.
Then Rachel had died, along with his hopes.
But now, he might be able to have the future he'd once dreamed of. Of course, it meant he'd have to break his vow.
Could he really do it? After all these years, could he live for more than information and always searching for a solution?
Finn's voice filled the room again. "I see you debating it. Although I should warn you, it might take a wee bit of groveling if you truly want the lass. You hurt her, Alistair. And you need to fix that."
The thought of Kiyana crying and in pain because of him made his stomach churn. He may not know her well, but she deserved better than that. Much better.
And yet, he remembered how she'd been willing to be his pretend mate for six months. Maybe, just maybe, she would still agree to be with him.
All it would take was for him to break his vow.
Rachel's final words to him came rushing back. "Be happy, Alistair. I love you, but I'm leaving you soon. Please, find another person to make you smile and laugh. Life's too short to brood and be angry. Just…find happiness."
Bloody hell, he'd loved her so much and she’d been taken far too soon from him. However, Rachel was gone. There was no way to bring her back.