He shook his head with a little chuckle. “No, you don’t have to apologize to me. I…” His voice was strained. “I was the one who pushed you back toward him in the first place. This is all—”
“Don’t do that,” I said. “Don’t blame yourself. At all. I don’t regret marrying him, Ricky. I love him—more than myself. I wouldn’t have Alexis. Just…sometimes things don’t work.” It was a premonition of the conversation I’d have to have with Alexis one day when she asked me why her dad and I weren’t together.
Ricky nodded. “Yeah, I just wish this would have.”
I swallowed back some emotions. “Me too.”
Ricky quickly flicked a tear out of his eye and puffed out his chest. “Anyway. Do you think you’ll fly out early in the evening, then?”
I thought about trying to explain to Alessandro that I was leaving. I thought about the pain I would see on his face, the pleading in his eyes for me not to go. If I had to try and face Alessandro outright to get out of Philly, I’d never escape. “I’m going to leave after Alessandro is asleep tonight. I don’t have much here that can’t be replaced. I’ll pack a small bag and slip out late tonight. I’ll probably get into Maine early tomorrow morning.”
“Willow, that’s not a good idea,” Ricky warned. “You need to tell him you’re leaving, at least.”
“I can’t!” I said, my tears forcing past the barricade I’d attempted to put up. “I can’t because if he looks at me and kisses me and begs me not to go, I won’t go.”
Ricky sighed but didn’t argue, only nodded. “Let me know the details when you know them.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Bye.”
The call ended, and I took a deep breath. I started trying to think of what I needed to pack. I needed a couple of outfits to tide me over until I could buy some more clothes. My computer and work files, of course. My phone and some basic toiletries. I had a laptop bag that looked like a big purse. It would be sufficient to stuff some things into and be nondescript. Even if I happened across a Varasso on my way out like I did with Gabe when I left to see Mira the night before, I could just say I was getting a drink again and continue on my way.
I opened my laptop and navigated to where I could sift through some plane tickets. I did okay at first, but by the time I was to the screen where it was time to pay for the ticket, my hands were shaking, and tears were streaming down my face. It was something so small, just a plane ticket, but the idea of leaving Alessandro behind for good was too big a pill to swallow. Plane ticket prices wouldn’t change in
a day, so I closed my computer and stood up to pack instead.
I grabbed my bag and pulled out a few easy to travel in outfits and started to lay them out on the bed. Again, I started out not doing too bad, but then I started pulling out clothes that made me think of Alessandro. I happened upon the shirt that he ripped when we slept together the day before, and it broke me. I tucked it into the bag and realized that it was another task that would have to wait until I had a better handle on myself.
Stacy.
I needed to talk to Stacy. When she first brought me to her yoga class, she told me about something she could do, cleansing someone’s aura. I thought her whole shtick was just hokum, but Stacy had proven more than once that there was credence to her connection to the universe, and even if it was just a placebo, I felt like having her clean my aura could make me feel better and see more clearly. Unlike Molly, she didn’t seem to have written me off, so I figured one last conversation with my sister-in-law before she wasn’t one anymore couldn’t hurt me.
I swung by the bathroom to touch my face up. My makeup had run from my crying, so I just opted to take it off. My cheeks and eyes were puffier than normal, but I didn’t think I could hide those features, as they were becoming a more prevalent part of my face as of late. I flicked my hands through my hair, went back to grab my phone, and left the suite.
I didn’t want to go anywhere near Denise or anyone waiting on her hand and foot, but I figured I’d probably find Stacy in that part of the house. I headed down the hallway toward the guest rooms. When I walked out onto the landing between the floors, where I could look over the railing into the foyer, I thought I heard Stacy’s voice coming from the first floor. I braced my hands on the balustrade and leaned over to see if I could see her, but she wasn’t immediately visible.
“Stace?” I called out.
“Coming!” she called back.
I stood there, waiting for Stacy to show up when a pair of hands settled on my back. I started to turn my head to see who it was, but before I could, the hands pushed, and I was falling.
21
Alessandro
“Nothing yet.”
“Fuck.” I cracked my neck to the side. Luca had been out looking for the guys who tried to get Marco for over six hours and was still coming up empty. Even with the tips that we’d gotten from Denise, finding anything that made sense was turning into a wild goose chase. “Maybe you need to just come back?”
“No, Sandro,” Luca replied. “I’m not coming back until I find these guys. Hell, I might go put a bullet in Dario’s back right now.”
“Don’t you dare,” I hissed. “It’s not about the head of the family bullshit, it’s about me not wanting you going rogue alone. That nearly got me killed, remember?”
“But Sandro, you and Willow—”
“Willow and I are done.” It hurt to say it so plainly, like it was a fact. “We told Gabe today. You, Mol, and Stace already know. We’ll tell Marco and Kelly after the baby is born. I just… I couldn’t save it.”