“No,” I replied. “I just don’t want Alexis to see it. Not just yet.”
“Oh,” Ricky said, sounding disappointed. In many ways, he was caught in the middle just as much as Alexis was. He was Alessandro’s best friend and had been since they were kids. “Now that you mention it, you look exhausted. Are you sleeping okay?”
“No,” I answered honestly. “I’m not cut out for this.”
“So, don’t do it,” Ricky retorted. “Come to Maine. Be with Lex again. Help me with these damn children. Anna has officially learned, hypothetically. She’s bartering with me about everything.”
I chuckled a little. “That sounds about right.”
“You’d be happier here. Let them tie things up. You’d feel better if you had Lexi.”
“I would,” I replied, “but I can’t leave Sandro.”
He sighed. “You don’t make any sense. Are you guys okay, or aren’t you?”
“It’s not that black and white, Ricky. We’ve been through this.” I tried not to get angry because I knew he was just as frustrated as I was. “I’m all he has. If I leave…there’s no telling what could happen. Besides, I don’t have many days left with him. I guess I’m trying not to rush through them. I promised him that I would stay by him until the end. It’s difficult, but I want to be by his side while we see this through.”
“I still don’t get it, but if you feel that strongly about it, I support you. Just try and get some more sleep, okay? Go see Bella. Get away from it all for a little bit. Promise me?” Ricky said.
I nodded. “I will. I promise. She’s out of town for work this week, but we’re gonna get together when she’s back.”
“Okay, good.” He rubbed a hand through his hair. It was getting longer. He chose to start growing it out after his fiancee and my best friend, Sasha, admitted that she was attracted to her latest co-star who had long hair. He didn’t need to do it. Sasha loved him and would never cheat on him, but it looked good on him, and she liked it, so it turned out okay. “I love you, kid.”
“I love you, too, kid. Bye.”
I ended the call and sat in the silence for a few minutes. It would be easier to go to Maine, but if I was honest with myself, I had to admit, I didn’t want to be apart from Alessandro just as much as I didn’t want to be apart from Alexis.
I heard a door outside the bedroom close and knew that Alessandro had left for his office. I needed to get up and get dressed. There was a meeting of the family soon, and with Alessandro in charge, I was the first lady.
3
Alessandro
I was exhausted, but not from overwork or lack of sleep. Being around Willow was both a blessing and a curse. It had happened to us more than once since we decided to split. One of us would travel down a memory, and we would follow the feelings until we were spilling into bed together. She was as much a part of me as my arms and legs. When she asked me to lay with her, I couldn’t tell her no. I never would. I knew what she said was true—each time we slept together, it made the inevitable end more difficult, but even as I knew it, I couldn’t stop myself. I just wanted to hold her and be wi
th her the way we used to be. The weakness in my resolve carried me from the kitchen table to her door, hoping to take advantage of the happiness our daughter brought us for a few more minutes of pretending, but when I got to her door, I could hear her talking to Ricky on the other side.
“I promised him that I would stay by him until the end. It’s difficult, but I want to be by his side while we see this through.”
I pulled back. I hated hearing that Willow thought that anything with me was difficult. Being together used to be easier than blinking, and now it was a chore. What little bit of my heart the last few minutes had put back together crumbled and broke once more, and I walked past the bedroom door, instead, heading for the closet at the end of the hallway. I opened it, pulled out one of my suits, and closed it again. I grabbed a few things I could use to freshen myself up from the bathroom, picked up my phone, laptop, and keys, and left the suite.
The bedrooms of the Varasso estate were all on the second floor, and the business operated on the third. Not far from the suite that the head of the household lived in was a thin staircase that led up to the third floor and through a door that exited right in front of the head-of-household office. For my entire childhood, the office belonged to my dad, and I wasn’t allowed inside. When I became a teenager and started to involve myself in the business, I was allowed in, but only when he called me. After my dad died, the office went to Luca, and he sat in the office and led the family. It was okay at first, but once he got married, it was a steady decline. He led the family weakly and ineffectually. Snuffing out Dario Binachi and his legions wasn’t going to be an easy task. It needed someone who wasn’t afraid to get a little ruthless if they needed to. Luca wasn’t that person, but I was.
So I took it.
“You think you can steer the ship better than me, brother? Be my guest.”
That was Luca’s problem. He wasn’t supposed to be steering the ship. He was supposed to be commanding it. Anyone can turn the wheel, but it takes a leader to decide where the ship is going. That leader was me.
I used my keys to let myself into the office and sighed. After what had happened with the Binachis, both the floor and walls needed to be replaced. The carpet, which was originally a golden color, was now umber, and the walls were a deep magenta color. Luca had kept the office exactly as my dad had it arranged—the desk in the middle, two leather chairs facing it, his imposing office chair behind it with the window at its back, a couch on either wall, and the wardrobe that hid the gun collection in the back left corner. It didn’t work for me. I’d tossed the desk and ordered an L-shaped one and moved one of the couches to face it. One of the leather chairs had been moved back by the window for Willow, and the other replaced the couch against the Western wall, along with two more that had been ordered to match it. The capacity for bodies to fit in the office had to be increased, anyway. My layout was better.
I shut the door behind me and locked it before changing into my suit and getting myself cleaned up. I set my laptop and phone down on my desk and then went and stood right in front of the door. I mentally counted the seconds as they passed and only got to twelve before I heard a light knock. I opened the door and stood aside, and Willow walked in, right past me, and went to situate herself in her chair.
I stayed quiet as I went over to my desk and sat down. I opened my laptop and started clicking through Marco’s reports while Willow opened her laptop and started her fashion buying work for the day. The garden was Willow’s favorite part of the estate, so the chair had been positioned where she could both look down into it and be near me. It was our near-daily routine. She was never far from my side, and as long as she wanted to be there, I would let her.
Another hour or so passed, and then the rest of our family started to file into the room. Gabriel and Stacy showed up first, fresh off their flight in from Maine, and Marco wasn’t far behind them. Luca and Molly were last into the room, and when everyone was situated, I closed my laptop and heard the snap of Willow shutting hers behind me.
I sat at attention and looked over my brothers and their wives. Even if they didn’t believe me, I was ready to end things. They all had bags under their eyes. This business had sapped us of everything we had. We owed it to ourselves to close this chapter of our lives.