“So, it looks like you’re seeing Alessandro again,” she commented after a while. “How’s that going? I always thought you two were really great together.”
She thought I was going to have a casual, romantic-life conversation with her when I didn’t even do that when I was a teenager? “Yeah. Um, it’s interesting. I mean. I don’t think I ever got over him, so when he asked me out, I had a weak moment.”
“I’ll admit, I was surprised to hear from Ricky that you were still here when I called to check in last week. To be honest, and I’m sorry because this is going to sound so horrible, but I was kind of hoping you’d be gone already.” She looked at me like she was afraid I might throw my tea in her face.
It was painful to hear, but not shocking. “I guess I might have expected as much.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Willow. I’ve missed you very much. Every single day since you left for school. But, you remind me of—I don’t know—who I could have been?” She sighed, looking out over the plain, verdant lawn with only our budding garden in the expanse. “You know, when you told Alessandro that it was either you or the business, I really admired that.”
I let out a light gasp. “Um. Really?”
She nodded, her aging face a reflection of my own. “Yep. I remember when your father came home and told me
that he was going to start working for the Varassos. I was mortified. I knew what they were about, and I couldn’t imagine being married to someone who did that. I had you kids, and all I could think was, ‘What if something happens to them?’” She took a bite of her sandwich for comfort. “We were so dirt poor at the time, and you and Ricky were sharing a PB&J with the last two pieces of bread we had, and I had no idea how we’d afford another loaf. Your dad, he pulled out this wad of cash and dropped it on the table in front of me. I was conflicted. It was either tell him no and continue to struggle, or risk it and give you guys the life you deserved.”
A warm grin wrapped spread over her face. “I still remember the day we moved into this house. You and Ricky couldn’t believe that you got to have your own rooms, but that first night you were supposed to sleep apart, you snuck out of your bedrooms at the same time to find each other. You argued over whose bedroom to sleep in, and ended up falling asleep in the hallway.”
My mom had never told me that story before, and I imagined she hadn’t told Ricky, either. “Wow.”
“I looked down at you two, huddled together under one tiny blanket, sleeping as hard as if you were in a four-poster bed, and realized I had made a terrible mistake. Without knowing what you were doing, you two proved that as long as we were together, struggling was better than sacrificing what we knew was right.” She was staring off into space, and I knew that she was twenty years younger and standing in that hallway. “It was too late, by then. Angelo always used to say—”
“Once you’re in, you don’t get out.” I recited the former Varasso patriarch’s mantra. “Yeah.”
“I told your father we’d made a mistake, and he screamed at me for the first time in our entire relationship. He said that it was too late, and we’d already sold ourselves. That was the day I knew your father was gone. I could have made the right decision and not lost him as much as I did when I decided taking the Varassos money was worth it.” She turned and smiled at me. “I guess I’ve always kind of considered Alessandro the one good thing that came out of that.”
I was struggling to fight back tears as my mom spoke. “Sandro?”
“He loves you so much. I’ve believed for a long time that I ruined you kids’ lives. You turned out okay, but your dad was in prison, and your mother, well…” She gestured to herself. “But when Alessandro started coming around, and I saw the smile on your face, it made me feel like God was giving you back a little bit of what I’d stolen from you. I guess this is my weird way of saying I really like him.”
“Yeah,” the word came out as an airy curiosity. “I don’t know what to say.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to say anything, sweetheart. You’ve had to fill in the gap I’ve left for too long. Just promise me you’ll never compromise yourself. If you feel it in your gut and in your heart, follow it.”
The conversation was as unexpected as the entire rest of my time in Philly had been. I never quite understood what my parents’ motivation was for getting us into this lifestyle. She’d never mentioned that we used to be poor, certainly not so poor that she didn’t know how we would afford a single loaf of bread. My dad probably felt that pressure as well. It made sense that after all of that, my dad would do anything to protect the people who, in his mind, saved his family. It also explained why my mom became obsessed with money. Had my mom been the best parent in the world? Maybe not, but had she made an honest mistake while trying to make sure we were well cared for?
I wanted black and white, but I only ever got shades of gray.
We shook off all the awkwardness and finished putting together out planters. We layered in nutrient-rich soil and some of the plant food and placed in all of our plants, and watered them, complete with spraying each other playfully.
“Well, this looks like a good time!” My mom and I stopped and looked over, and Molly, of all people, was making her way across the yard. “Sorry, I knocked, but no one answered, and the door was unlocked.”
“Hey, Molly,” my mom greeted.
“Hey, Mrs. Morietti! How was Cabo?”
My mom fanned out her arms. “I certainly got my tan.”
“You sure did.” She walked over to us and then looked at me. “Hey, uh. Are you busy? I mean, busier than this?”
I chuckled. “No. Why? What’s up?”
“Luca feels really terrible about the way he behaved the other day,” Molly explained. “To make it up to you and Alessandro, we’re having a bonfire in the garden. No work, no hot tempers. Just smores, music, and fun. Alessandro will be there, of course, but it’s a surprise. He doesn’t know you’re gonna be there.”
It sounded like a blast. I thought back to the days leading up to Luca’s outburst and how much fun it was to be together, like a family. “Yeah, I’m in.”
“Can you be ready in five?” She held out her hands. “Not that what you’re wearing isn’t beautiful, but it’s soaking wet.”
“Yeah,” I laughed back. “I have a dress. It shouldn’t take me long.”