“No, it’s okay. Tell me. I know how I’ve been in the past, not wanting to hear about it at all, but it’s stressing you out, and it involves Ricky. I want to know.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it in mine. “It’ll help to get it off your chest.”
I was terribly torn. On the one hand, I wanted Alessandro to feel like he could come to me about anything he had going on in his life. If it was stressing him out, I wanted to know about it. I wanted to be able to help. I wanted to be able to comfort him when things were going awry. That’s what relationships were about, being there for one another, in every sense of the word. But Alessandro’s world wasn’t one that I was okay with. The only way we were going to succeed as a couple was if I could successfully pretend that world didn’t exist. To remain uninvolved and go about my business as though he was only a guy with a tough job and a twisted family.
That was what he was, but not in the kooky, rom-com sense I was looking for.
Life would never be sunshine and roses, but the kind of mountains that I wanted us to overcome as a couple did not include regularly fearing that I’d get a call that my boyfriend was being carted off to a prison cell or a morgue. I didn’t want to bring children into the world and have to helicopter over them, not because I was a first-time mom trying to figure it out, but because at any time, a black car could drive by and open spray.
Alessandro looked at me, gauging me to make sure that what I’d said was true. I gripped his hand tightly. “I promise you can tell me. I’ll be okay.”
Could I balance the two? Supporting him and staying out of every other aspect of his life, or were we already doomed to fail?
Alessandro looked all around, checking for any listeners, and then moved even closer to me. “Marco fell for this girl at one of the restaurants we bought out to launder money through last year. She was a waitress there, and he completely flipped for her. He got all mixed up with her, and it turned out…her brother was a cop.”
“Holy shit,” I murmured. “Did he get arrested?”
“Yeah. She didn’t mean to do it, Kelly didn’t. She was dealing with pressure from multiple sides, and in the end, he got picked up. Neither of them even realized that she was pregnant at the time.” Alessandro tilted his head to one side. “Amanda, a little girl.”
“Wow. I’ve seen you with Anna and Antonio. It must kill you that you can’t see her,” I said.
“I hate it. We haven’t even been able to see pictures. Until he called me that first night I was with you, I hadn’t spoken to him in ten months.” Alessandro was poking at his food and seemed to be without much of an appetite.
Alessandro loved his brothers. That’s why when I’d originally presented him with an ultimatum, he picked the life instead. He knew turning his back on the organization meant turning his back on his family, and he could
n’t imagine doing that. Seeing it kill him to not have access to one of his brothers or his niece, it put it all into perspective. I was asking him to do the same thing I was mad at his family for asking my dad to do—turn his back on his family.
I feel like I don’t understand you as much as I should after all this time.
I had more to learn from Alessandro about how to love someone than he had to learn from me.
“When he called me that day, he told me that he got a postcard telling him to watch his back. It had no return address or postage on it, which meant not only did someone know where he lived, but they had been there personally to drop it. Not even we know where Marco lives, and Ricky is the only one in contact with him, and even they have to communicate at a scheduled time, and Ricky calls from a secured line at his office that shuffles both numbers.” He side-glanced me. “I’m sorry, I know it probably makes you anxious to know Ricky’s so involved.”
I nodded. “It does, but I’m glad he can still be a lifeline for you guys.”
Alessandro brought my head to rest on his shoulder and kissed my forehead. “Thank you. For dealing with some of this stuff with me. I love you.”
My heart filled at that simple little phrase that meant so much. He’d said it several times since we started seeing each other, but I still hadn’t said it back. I wasn’t sure if I should. If this plane was never going to get off the ground, was there even a point in putting on the seatbelt? I was content to continue being with Alessandro, where every day was new and uncertain. I didn’t want to think about it ending now, and I certainly didn’t want to think about it continuing.
Dinner bled into drinks, which flowed into breaking in the hotel bed in a way that lifted us both out of our holes of discomfort to a place where we both felt safe in each other’s arms. I didn’t know what the future looked like for us, but I was grateful for one more night to ignore it before I had to figure it out.
18
Alessandro
The sun was just starting to peek in through the open hotel curtains. I was glad I’d decided to bring Willow to a place where she didn’t have to deal with the riff-raff of my family and Luca’s temper. As soon as I’d gotten her to a point where she was comfortable coming over to the house and staying for long periods, he went and blew it all up, being a dick for no reason.
I could hear my phone singing a melody of text and call ringtones on the other side of the room, and at the last one, Willow started to shift next to me, the shrill tone creeping into her slumber.
I climbed out of bed as quietly and gently as I could and stepped across the room to my suit jacket. I reached in, grabbed my phone, and confirmed what I already suspected—all the calls and texts were from Luca. I pulled on a pair of pants, swiped a room key off the dresser, and stepped outside. I decided to head down to the main lobby, so as not to disturb any of the other hotel guests, and with luck, I’d be able to snag a coffee for Willow on my way back up.
I dialed the number and called Luca, my blood already turning to fire beneath my skin.
“Where the hell—”
“No, Luca, shut the fuck up for a second, and listen.” The other side went so quiet that I thought he hung up, but a quick look at my screen revealed that he hadn’t. “The way you behaved yesterday was totally out of control. I know that this situation is stressful for you, but it’s stressful for all of us. I finally fucking got Willow to be okay being around us again, and you go and haul off like you’re gonna kill her.”
“Sandro.”
“Shit, I mean, I thought you understood it. I get that you found Molly, and she’s all in, and Marco got to fucking jump ship and go be the Johnsons or whoever the fuck he is and live a happy life with Kelly, but Willow is my one joy. She’s it. The rest of this shit makes me feel like putting a bullet through my skull.”