What would Kelly do?
I’d sacrificed everything to be with her. Ended my relationships with my family. Exposed some of the innards inherent in organized crime. I knew the Bianchis would be arrested in short order. I’d basically fucked them over. But there was no other alternative. I could never do that to my own family.
I thought of each of them. Luca with Molly, Anna and Antonio eating dinner in the dining room. Alessandro as he tinkered around with a computer program or some other mechanical contraption, some smartassed barb ready if anyone chanced into his presence. Gabriel, the glue of the family, playing peacemaker and providing support whenever anyone needed it.
Betraying them was unthinkable. Leaving them all behind to be a better man would hardly work if I’ve done something that unforgivable. Not only would it not have been worth it, I never would’ve been able to live with myself. Embarking on this new existence without them was going to be difficult enough as it was.
Especially if Kelly didn’t join me. And there was every chance that she wouldn’t. She thought of me as a liar and a thug, and while I’d begged her for her forgiveness, the rift between us was far from repaired.
The next day, the last day I would be able to openly call myself Marco Varasso, felt like a countdown. Preparations were being made largely without me since I wasn’t in control of where I was going or even who I’d become. I’d be given a fresh identity, a name that wasn’t my own. The whole prospect felt odd and unnerving.
And as the clocked ticked away without any sign from the woman I loved, this feeling of dread began to hang on my shoulders, dragging me down. As nightfall approached, the dread became heavier and heavier, making it hard to move forward. I simply allowed myself to be led from one task to another, from one room to another, in and out of restraints, and then into clothing that had been chosen for me.
By the time they moved me into a shuttle bus, presumably to go to an airport, train, or bus station, it was pitch black outside. The weather had turned nasty, a mix of icy cold rain and sleet, and it perfectly suited my mood. I’d been given a pair of khakis, loafers, a cardigan and a corduroy jacket to wear, something utterly out of character for me, but then, I guess that was the point. Whoever this man I’d been dressed up as would become was the man I would now be.
I was taken by two U.S. Marshals, both dressed similarly to me. We looked like a collection of college professors about to go to a teaching conference. I wondered if that was the occupation they’d created for me. They wouldn’t enlighten me one way or the other until we reached our final destination.
We flew through the night, hours and hours. The marshals kept encouraging me to sleep, but I couldn’t, I was too wound up and frankly, too devastated.
Kelly had never shown.
So I would be doing this on my own. Every bit of it. And the reason I’d done it, the person I’d done it for, wouldn’t even be with me.
The truth of that went from a heavy weight to a knife slicing through me. It was painful enough that I couldn’t allow myself to think about it. If I did, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to function.
I’d known all along this could happen, that she might choose to say no, but the reality of it felt even worse than I’d thought it would. I did my best to stay distracted, but there wasn’t much to distract me. I kept telling myself to hold on. To wait. Soon we’d get to where we were going and once the marshals secured the location, they’d leave me alone.
I needed to wait for that. To be alone. I couldn’t give in to anything I was feeling until then.
Hold on. Hold on.
Wait. Just wait.
We’ll be there soon.
So I did. I held on through the landing of the plane. I held on as I took my carryon full of garments that weren’t mine and left the airport. I held on as we drove through a valley landscape I was completely unfamiliar with. I held on as I looked up into a wide sky not sleeting or raining but pouring down sunlight on the mountains in the distance.
And I held on as we pulled up into the driveway of a little Adobe single-story on the outskirts of this small Californian town. Cacti and juniper trees decorated the front yard while tall palms swayed back and forth behind the house. It was quaint, and so foreign to me as to be almost laughable, but I didn’t feel like laughing.
Wait just a bit longer. Hold on.
Two other marshals greeted the ones traveling with me, and after going through what I was certain must be standard operating procedures, they let me in. They gave me a tour of the place, but I didn’t pay much attention. The layout of the house didn’t matter. Where I lived didn’t matter. The amenities the house had or didn’t have didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I’d soon have time to myself.
Now that we’d arrived, though, my patience was eroding. I stood on the porch watching them chat like a bunch of church ladies. I wanted them all to go, to leave, but they seemed content to take their sweet-assed time about it.
Then, another vehicle pulled into the driveway, and I nearly bit everyone’s head off. What now? Didn’t they realize they needed to get the fuck out of here?
The vehicle was a minivan with a rolling side door, and as that door opened, I nearly lost my shit. How many marshals did they think would be required for this job? We were on the opposite side of the country for Christ’s sake.
Besides, getting mown down at this point would only be par for the course.
Maybe Luca had been right about that goddamned curse all along.
/> And then someone stepped out of the minivan, and my breath caught in my throat. Were my eyes playing tricks on me?
“Kelly?” I whispered as if she were an apparition that might dissolve if I spoke any louder.
“Hi,” she said, smiling nervously and remaining where she was.