I should be mad at him, I realized that. Maybe I shouldn’t even care about whatever he might be going through. But I did. I worried about him. My feelings for him weren’t some faucet I could turn off and on. I loved him, and no matter how much he’d been hiding from me, and how shocked I’d been by it all, my heart still missed his. Ached for his.
I remembered the way he’d looked at me in that police conference room, the way he’d sounded. His tone had been beseeching, anguished. He’d even had unshed tears in his eyes, something I’d never seen from him before.
But that hadn’t dissuaded me at the time. Unable to deal with the situation, I’d had to get away, so I’d left him. I hadn’t known what else to do.
I’d continued that trend. That was why I was here instead of at my parent’s apartment. It was why I hadn’t contacted anyone or allowed myself to feel anything. I glanced around at my luxurious environs. I didn’t even know what day it was.
I looked at a calendar placed near the front door that had images of some of the more popular Philadelphia tourist sites. Although it was the first day of February, no one had flipped the calendar over from January. I took the time to do it, replacing the picture of the Liberty Bell with one of the Franklin Institute.
A thought skittered through my head. It was the first of February, and I hadn’t started my period. The day everything had happened with David arresting Marco had been the day I was due, which meant I was now six days late.
I was late.
I was never late.
My body had always been as reliable as clockwork when it came to my cycle. I’d been one of those lucky women who didn’t suffer from PMS. No bloating. No headaches. No change at all. Except for needing to wear a tampon, it didn’t impact my life much. Maybe that’s why it only now registered with me that I’d missed one.
Did that mean I was…
But, no. Marco had not only been a generous and tender lover, he’d also been conscientious. He’d used a condom. Every single time. I remembered because there were a few moments when I’d been caught up in the sensations of what we were doing only to realize that he’d put everything on hold for long enough to roll on some protection. He’d been cautious and careful with me in every way.
So me being late must be some sort of fluke.
Still, I hurried back to our bedroom to the nightstand on his side of the bed. When I opened the drawer, I found what I was looking for: the condoms he’d been using. A couple had been scattered loosely along the bottom, and next to those was a new unopened box. He’d taken responsibility and had been consistently prepared.
One thing about being a virgin until recently meant I hadn’t given much thought to birth control. I hadn’t needed it, so I’d concentrated on the things more pertinent in my life. I knew about the various forms, of course, I wasn’t completely ignorant about them. But I wasn’t overly familiar, either. To remedy that, I began to read the instructions on the box.
There was nothing on there that sounded like we’d used them improperly. The rate of success was ninety-eight percent as long as they were used correctly, and I had no reason to believe that Marco hadn’t. The two loose condoms were a different brand from the box, so I inspected the square foil packets, just to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, but the instructions seemed to be nearly word for word the same.
Maybe the stress of everything that had happened had knocked me off my routine schedule.
I put the box back and was about to return the foil packets, too, when I noticed something. Black typed lettering ran along the side of each packet. An expiration date.
That particular condom had expired six months prior.
The other loose packet had the same date, while the box didn’t expire for another three years. Did that matter? Did using expired condoms make a difference in their effectiveness?
I had no idea.
I grabbed my coat and purse and flew out the door. It was time for me to find out.
24
Marco
Ricky gawked at me as if I’d told him I wanted a noose to hang myself with. It did sort of feel that way, if I was being totally honest. But I knew in my gut I had to do it. This option had the best chance at succeeding.
As long as it didn’t crash and burn anyway.
Luca, Alessandro, and Gabriel had all come by to visit me, each of them displaying various levels of pissed offery. I’d anticipated Luca being absolutely livid at me. I’d gotten captured by the police and endangered a business that’d been more than profitable up till then.
But once Sandro and Gabriel had left, my eldest brother had seemed more frustrated by the circumstances than anything else. The judge that had been assigned my case wasn’t someone on our side. The accusations being leveled against me could have far-reaching effects, especially where Varasso business interests were concerned.
Luckily, Luca had double and triple back-ups in place in nearly every aspect of what we did. He also had escape plans at the ready if the shit really hit the fan. He’d be able to get everyone else out of the country if necessary, even if that meant I had to become the sacrificial lamb. And the probability of that was going up with each passing day.
Detecting the direction the wind was blowing, I confided in my brother one last time.
“I fucked up, brother. I admit that.”