I took a tissue and dried my eyes. “It does?”
“Sure. This is one of those decisions in life that’s the hardest to make. Sometimes, you have to go most of the way through with it before you understand that it’s not the right one for you. But now you know, right?”
“Yeah,” I told her, feeling like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. “Now, I know.”
It was a funny thing, but now that I’d decided to keep the baby, the idea of parenthood didn’t frighten me so much anymore. I thought of how Greta, Luca and I had laughed with Anna a couple of weeks ago. I thought of the way Luca played with his daughter, and how she stared at him with those big baby blues, nothing but love and adoration in her eyes.
I knew this would be the greatest challenge of my life, raising this baby alone like I was, but I could do it. Tara could help me on occasion. Hell, maybe I’d move both her
and Ben into my new place to start our own little household.
The thought made me smile.
And Luca might consent to help, too. It was his baby, after all. Maybe we could do that co-parenting thing where we shared custody. I lived within walking distance of the mansion, so I couldn’t imagine it being that big a deal to do.
Anna would have a little brother or sister to play with once the baby got old enough. She’d probably love that. Though our childhoods had been far from ideal, some of my best and happiest memories from that time were linked to Tara.
On the way home from the clinic, we stopped by the grocery store and loaded up on any item that looked good to me. Which meant we brought home everything from cheese and crackers to beef liver—don’t judge me, it sounded good—and ice cream.
Lots and lots of ice cream.
While gorging on some very unique combinations from our grocery run, my baby sister and I vegged out in front of the television, both of us sharing the same natty blanket. Cuddled up together and delightedly full, we laid our heads on a squishy beanbag pillow and fell asleep.
It amazed me how much different I felt after changing my decision. Where I’d felt achy and like everything hurt the day before, now I felt like I could do cartwheels down the street. The energy around me was so much more positive. It made me confident that I’d made the right choice.
Since I would be returning to my duties with the Varassos tomorrow, Tara and I decided to make it a girl’s day with fun activities only.
Having money was still a relatively unique experience for me, and I adored being able to use it so that my sister and I could enjoy ourselves. We went for mani-pedis—something neither of us had ever indulged in before—and then took in a chick flick comedy during an afternoon matinee.
We went shopping at a baby boutique. I picked out a beautiful cherry wood crib, as well as a matching rocking chair with a deeply cushioned seat. I was still trying to figure out what theme I wanted to go with when my sister came up to me with a sheet set covered in tiny little stars and rainbows.
It was adorable.
I made arrangements to have all the items delivered to my house later the following evening, envisioning how everything would look once inside my home. I couldn’t wait to turn my third bedroom into a fully decorated nursery for my impending bundle of joy.
I thought again of Luca. Now that I was going to have this baby, I needed to inform him that he was going to be a father again. For the first time since I’d changed my mind, a tendril of anxiety slithered into my belly.
Would he be angry about this? I’d been the one to seduce him on the fly and get us so caught up in the moment that we forgot to use birth control. Yes, he should’ve been more responsible, too, but still. He already had a young child and so much to be accountable for. Would he resent this? Resent the baby? Resent me?
But if he did, that just meant I’d have to handle this on my own. Before I’d come to be with the Varassos, making this work financially would probably have been impossible, but now I could take care of mine and the baby’s needs with no problem. I was in a better place than I’d ever been in that regard.
It would’ve been better if Luca loved me, if we could’ve created a family together, but oh well.
Sometimes things weren’t meant to be.
Tara and I had grabbed a quick breakfast and lunch earlier, but I was hungry again. This whole eating for two thing was definitely for real. We popped into a place called the We Got the Goods Café. The wind had picked up, and chilled, I rubbed my arms and shivered.
A man dressed in a city uniform stood by an open manhole, the cover off to the side as he stared down into its depths. I felt sorry for him. It was too cold to have to work for hours outside.
The restaurant had this cute area in the front for outdoor seating, currently covered in a fresh dusting of snow, a forest green façade, and wide picture windows lining both sides of its double French doors. It was one of those places I’d seen a million times but had never been able to afford. It felt so nice to be able to treat my sister.
The café specialized in coffees, teas, and sandwiches made to order, so I purchased a sampler tray so we could try several of their creations before making a choice. We took our time, talking about everything under the sun.
“So, I’m thinking Ben might be getting serious,” Tara said, leaning toward me as if giving away state secrets.
“You’ve been together for a year, so I would hope he’s serious.”
“No, I mean serious serious. He’s been asking me about jewelry a lot, especially diamond jewelry.”