“I was helping her up. That’s all. That’s all you saw.”
I looked at him, gauging the truth of his words. His expression was clear, his gaze one hundred percent sincere. I sat all at once on the bench at the foot of my bed. The quilt Molly and I had bundled up in together sat innocently next to me, bringing more memories to mind that mocked me.
“I don’t want her like that, and I wouldn’t pursue something with her even if I did.” He sat beside me on the quilt, blocking most of it from my view. It helped. “And Luca, she wasn’t flirting or anything, either. She was pacing up and down the hallway looking completely wrung out, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me she couldn’t sleep, so I suggested working out.”
She wasn’t sleeping, just like me. Because of me.
Shit.
“I know why you broke up with her,” he continued. “I get it. But has it occurred to you that it might not be necessary?”
“It is necessary,” I told him, staring at my hands. “I don’t want her suffering some godawful fate.”
“What if it doesn’t work like that? What if you’ve already paid enough?”
“You mean like Dad paid enough?” I didn’t mention the disappearance of Gabriel’s mother, my father’s mistress. I was sure he didn’t want reminders of his lost mother any more than I wanted reminders of mine.
He took a deep breath. “I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. I think if he hadn’t cheated, if his time with my mom had been above board, she might still be alive.”
I stared at him. I’d never thought about it that way. There was no rulebook when it came to the curse. All of us Varasso men had to make our decisions as if blindfolded with our hands tied behind our backs. But after losing Alana, I’d begun to compare the curse to Death. There was no way to reason with it. And by that logic, there was probably no way to lift or dodge it, either.
Probably.
Gabriel and I sat there together for a long while, letting the minutes tick by in silence. Then, as the sky started to lighten outside, he patted me on the back and left.
22
Molly
It’d been two and a half weeks since everything had blown up between Luca and me, and I’d done my best to become the queen I’d promised myself I’d be. Before, when he’d acted as if he enjoyed my company, I’d adored being by his side learning about everything. Then, when he essentially put me in charge, it’d felt incredibly meaningful.
It still did most of the time, but lately, I’d become tired in a way I’d never been. Maybe it was all the insomnia and the stress to prove myself, but I felt more than worn out, I felt almost ill. But I didn’t have time to come down with anything, I’d decided to do something I’d never done.
I started looking for a house.
Now that I had access to all this money, I felt like getting out of the mansion would be a good idea. Not that I was abandoning the Varassos. My job had become too significant in my life to do that. But I wanted some distance from Luca.
I needed it.
Right now, I still saw him on a regular basis, even if it was only in passing. I’d go down the hall and hear Anna speaking baby talk as her father encouraged her to say new words in a high-pitched voice. It would’ve been adorable if I’d been able to be a part of it like I once was. I missed her.
And though I’d refuse to admit this to anyone else unless under threat of torture, I missed him.
I also hated him.
Let’s just say my feelings about Luca Varasso were complex.
Which was why I had to move. The house I planned to buy was within a block of their vast estate, but it was far enough away that I wouldn’t have to see him near as often. I might even stop my weird habit of going to their Sunday dinners. His brothers had gone from giving me the stink eye to welcoming me, so I’d continued to join them.
I’d liked feeling like I belonged, especially since I’d never really belonged anywhere else.
I’d been telling myself that it was about being a part of the organization, that it was like attending a business dinner, but that was just not true. These were family dinners. No other employees came. Not ever. So me inserting myself into them was basically inappropriate.
Once again, I was having trouble sleeping. Despite my bed being the most comfortable object I’d ever laid on, I
kept tossing and turning. It’d been this way ever since Luca’s rejection. Which made me so mad at myself. Why was I letting him continue to upset me like this?
I shifted from my side to my stomach, then switched positions again because my breasts felt too tender to lay on, a sign my monthly time was about to start. I’d never been regular, but I could always tell it was coming by the way my body felt. Which meant I’d likely spend tomorrow all crampy.