William’s expression was stunned enough to be flattering. “Did you live in a cave? Were you hidden away by cock-blocking fairies? How is that possible?”
“It’s not like I’m a virgin.”
“After that many years?”
“Stop being such a man,” she said, her voice laced with irritation and discomfort.
“A little hard to change that, darlin’.”
She shook her head in irritation, crossing her arms between them. “Not having sex is the easiest thing in the world.” And sadly, with every year it got easier. “If a nice man asked me out and I was in the mood, I agreed. If they wanted more, I said no and thank you and had pepper spray in my purse to back up my answer if someone had another lapse in judgment.”
Bronte frowned into his suddenly expressionless face. “What? Women don’t need a partner to find release. Not when we have so many adult toys at our disposal. I mean, I know that your family is trying to break world records left and right, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t be complete without coitus.”
William carefully lifted himself off of her, tucking the covers around her waist and zipping up his jeans. He gathered up the bags of food and brought them back to the bed, all while avoiding to meet her gaze.
“I’m glad Riley threw together these sandwiches, though you haven’t lived until you’ve have her shepherd’s pie. You’ll have to try it while you’re here.”
She wasn’t sure what just happened. One minute he’d been on top of her, ready for more, and the next he was handing her napkins and a to-go box. She sat up slowly. “I didn’t mean to insult your family.”
“You didn’t.” He shook his head, finally looking up with an unexpectedly fierce gaze. “You said another lapse in judgment. Another. There had to be one for there to be another. Who hurt you, love?”
She almost smiled, something bright and unfamiliar fluttering inside her chest. “I said that, huh? What is it about you, Finn? My family’s never managed to get as much out of me, and we practically live in each other’s pockets.”
She watched him swallow a large bite as if it were sawdust and then set his sandwich back down. “They don’t know then? Hugo? Your parents?”
She nibbled on the delicious bread she’d bet was freshly baked and considered his question. “At the time, it seemed smarter to handle it on my own. And yes, technically I’m aware that it wasn’t, but I was a nursing student and he was a doctor, so it would have been my word against his. Several people at the hospital knew we’d been flirting with each other, and I’d said yes when he asked me out to dinner.”
“Agreeing to eat with a man doesn’t mean you’ve agreed to anything else,” he responded carefully. She could see the pulse pounding in his temple.
“Preaching to the choir, leprechaun,” she said with a sigh. “But until recently it wasn’t as simple as that.”
“That’s shite. It’s always that simple.”
The whitening of his knuckles fascinated Bronte as he clenched his fists. It made her long to soothe him and tell him everything at the same time. “It was another lifetime ago, as you pointed out, and I was lucky, statistically speaking. I’ve treated dozens of women who’ve gone through worse. He transferred to another hospital within the year, and before you ask, I have seen a therapist. I don’t have any hidden phobias about sex or anxiety about being alone with a man. Or no more than the average member of the female population. It wasn’t my first sexual experience, it wasn’t even my third, so I knew that what he did was—”
“Rape?” He’d said the word so quietly, his voice like broken glass.
“That’s right,” she acknowledged. “All I did was take a break from dating anyone for a while, for obvious reasons. It lasted longer than I expected it to.”
“Because you never met a man you could trust?”
“Because I never met a man I wanted enough to try.”
It didn’t seem worth the effort. She had all the love and support she needed from her family and friends. She didn’t need to belong to a man to be complete. She didn’t define herself by her sexuality.
She’d never missed it.
Bronte covered his fist with her hand and squeezed. “Don’t get weird. I won’t lie or sugarcoat it. It sucked and I was a mess for a long time. I still believe I made the only decision I could. I think my parents knew something was wrong, but if I’d confirmed it, it would have broken their hearts and I couldn’t face that. And if I’d told Hugo, he would have gone to jail instead of joining the police academy. So I handled it.”
This really wasn’t the kind of thing she expected to be discussing with him. Talk about spoiling the mood. “This is good. The sandwich? Lamb, right? And braised? Very fancy. You’ll have to thank Riley for me. She’s married to the cop, right? The one with the same name as your grandfather, which you find deeply disturbing on multiple levels?”