No. These girls enjoyed being watched. Just like I did. And even though I walked out of the group and left The Black Knights behind, I still crave it so badly.
The voyeuristic tendencies still have a way of sneaking through the confines I’ve locked them in. They escape and take hold of me. And even though I haven’t seen Nesrin coming apart, yet, I know I will. And to watch that will be euphoric.
Usually, Creed and I would share her, we would take turns, sitting back and allowing the other to have his wicked way. But with her, it’s different. I can’t share her. Even the thought of someone else’s hands on her makes me livid. Rage, jealousy, and anger take hold of me, and in its feral grip, I’m lost to the need of having her all to myself.
I have never been obsessive, that’s Creed, which is why these emotions she’s stirred within me are fucking with my head. I can’t focus on anything else, besides her.
But I also know how wrong it is to want her.
I know I’ll only hurt her in the end.
I turn toward my room and grab my leather jacket. Shrugging it on, I make my way to the door and down toward the living room, where I notice Cassian drinking bourbon.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, moving deeper into the room.
He looks up at me, his gaze is far away. “I’m thinking.”
“About?”
“The dance, if Creed knows you claimed her, since you did it in front of him last night…” Cass’s words disappear into the heaviness that hangs in the air above us.
“I’m going to the cabin. I’ll be back tomorrow.” I don’t answer him about Creed, and I don’t talk about what I did with Nesrin, how I showed the possessiveness in the forest last night.
“So, you’re just leaving her?”
“Cass, please don’t give me shit for this, I need to think.”
He stares at me, lifting the tumbler to his lips and taking a long sip. I know I should stay. I should talk to Nesrin and tell her that I only said those things to get Creed away from her. But even as I think it, I know it’s a lie; I said it because I do want her.
“Go. I’ll watch over her,” Cass tells me, waving his now empty glass toward the door. “We have three days to get her ready,” he warns me. “I’ll start showing her the dance, but I’m not leading her onto that dancefloor.”
I nod. “Thanks, brother.”
I turn to leave. Knowing that when I return, everything needs to change.
20
Nesrin
The night of the forest run has come and gone, and my body aches in ways I never thought it would. The sun is streaming through the window, forcing me to scoot up in bed.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand, and I grab it, reminding myself that I walked away from friends in LA. Even though we weren’t close, there was still a hint of a connection, especially with Jenny. But the name on the screen is none of those, it’s my mother’s.
I’ve tried not to think about her because I knew the moment I did, the attraction I have to Damien would make me feel guilty, or worse than I already seem to have it.
I open the message and scan it while my heart sinks to my stomach.
I hope you’re behaving. God knows we don’t need to return to any of your antics again. Choose a college and make sure you’ve got your major sorted out. Mom.
She doesn’t ask me how I am. She doesn’t even show that she cares from the way she’s worded her message. Perhaps I’m reading into it, but I know Marcia Ellington, now Thorne, and affection is certainly not her strong suit.
I don’t know how to respond to her. How to tell her that I haven’t given college a second thought. I’m not even sure what it is I want to study. Perhaps I can take a gap year, travel, and then decide.
Sighing, I push the blankets from my body and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I sit there for a long while, trying to decide what I’m meant to tell my mother.
The phone buzzes again. This time, it’s a call. I knew she’d do this if I didn’t respond in time. She’s always been manic about shit like that, whereas I need time to think.
I watch the call flashing, but I don’t make a move to pick it up. Once it goes to the messaging service, I sigh, breathing deeply, as I think about my future.
I can’t say that Damien will be a part of it; I don’t even know what all this means. Everything he’s done for me can’t continue when our folks get back. Our folks. We’re meant to be a family, and all I can think about is his kiss, his touch, and seeing him in those tight black boxer briefs again.