“Where are you gonna live?” I asked Eli. I allowed him to caress my hands; it made everything easier. Having him gently stroking my skin comforted the roaring blood rushing through my veins that made me lightheaded.
“You saw it.” I looked at him quizzically. What did he mean I saw it? The only place I’d seen
was the one where we’d slept together and that couldn’t be where he was gonna live. That was just temporary, right?
“You mean that apartment? How?” How could he possibly live there? Anyway, he’d been staying there for weeks, and he’d just barely decided to transfer to Santa Barbara. I told him as much.
“Gracie, you and me are meant to be.” Eli clasped my hands, pulling me close to his chest. “I knew it before you did. I’ve always known it. I transferred down before I came to California.”
“I need to sit down,” I said. I yanked my hands free and walked over to the bed. Thank goodness it already had a mattress. I fell down, my hand to my forehead. Water stained the ceiling, probably evidence of leaks. The mattress was a bit lumpy. It was small.
Compared to the apartment I’d shared with Vera, and compared to Eli’s new place, it wasn’t much. To me, though, it was everything.
After a pregnant silence wherein Eli and I said nothing, I finally spoke. “I still want to live here. At my place.”
Eli exhaled at my words. “That’s fine. That’s just fine, Gracie. When I’m without you…” He trailed off, staring at me like I was keeping something from him. I shifted, uncomfortable with his scrutiny. I was about to call him out on his staring when he spoke.
“When I’m without you, Grace, it’s like someone stabbed me and then cauterized the wound, but the knife remains inside me, slowly killing me. Bleeding, I’m constantly bleeding inside as the knife cuts away at everything I am. Without you I’m empty of everything. Come back to me.”
I slowly stood up off the mattress and made my way to Eli. Though he hadn’t moved toward me and his arms were still by his side, he was waiting for me. He was waiting for me to come to him and he had been waiting for me to come to him, truly come to him. We’d had sex since he’d come back. We’d talked, but we’d still been separate.
I closed the distance between us, recognizing that the space I was closing was so much more than the width of my apartment. Finally, I was coming home.
My phone buzzed and rang against the nightstand, waking both Eli and me up. I opened one eye and used it to glare at the rectangular device causing so much noise.
“Who’s callin’ you this early?” Eli moaned, pulling me into his chest. The night before we’d made love over and over again—actually made love. We were back to us. There were no sheets on the bed, not even any pillows, but it didn’t matter. The distance between us was closed. Skin met skin, lips fused together, and we reached a new height. I didn’t know what time we’d finally ended, but I did know he was still inside me when I fell asleep.
Reaching an arm out, I grabbed my phone. I looked at the caller ID. It was a number I didn’t recognize, but the area code was all too familiar: Georgia.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, sitting up to further inspect the buzzing thing in my hand. It was like a live creature, twitching and moaning for release.
“Ignore it.” Eli turned around to go back to sleep. Every bone in my body told me to throw the phone on the nightstand and crawl back under the covers with Eli. The phone was ringing, its monotonous tone like funeral bells. I didn’t like it one bit.
“Hello?” I answered on the last ring.
Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong.
The funeral bells chimed so loud I couldn’t think, only listen.
Listen as my world crumbled.
Listen as news I’d known would come came.
Even though I was expecting the news, it didn’t make it any easier.
My stomach dropped. My mouth fell open. I pulled the phone away from my ear. Had I said anything to the person on the other line? Had I thanked them? Thanked them for giving me such terrible news?
Probably. I must have. Otherwise how was the conversation over?
“What is it?” Eli asked, sitting up. “What’s wrong Bug?”
The phone fell from my grasp. I looked blankly ahead, not registering anything. The light was grey. The furniture black and white. Eli’s voice was only a buzzing in my ear.
Eventually senses came rushing back like a tidal wave.
“My mother is dead,” I said.
“Are you okay?”