“What could you possibly know about how I feel?” Suspicion was venom on her tongue.
“I used to think my mom loved me. I did anything for her, because she was my mother, and I was certain she would do anything for me. I did…” I took a breath.
Lottie’s brow furrowed.
“I did horrible things because she asked.”
Her eyes found mine, uncertain, untrustworthy. “What could you have possibly done?’
“I lied. I ruined lives. We blackmailed the men she conned into loving her, so she would have money for her vice of the month.”
Lottie didn’t look at me with disgust, but eager eyes. “How did you fix it? All those lives you ruined?”
“You can’t take back what you’ve done, you can only try every day not to become her.”
“It’s not just me this will ruin, it’s my entire family. They didn’t even think to ask when they put everything on me because…why would they? Lottie does everything she’s asked. But then I did what Lottie never does. I made a mistake. I broke the rules. I did something for me. And I ruined everything.”
I knew I would never get this moment ever again. So I stole it. But I stole it for me. No one else.
I sat beside Lottie as my first night with Grayson came rushing back. That girl I once was, a thief stealing moments that didn’t belong to her, because she didn’t have the courage to demand a moment of her own.
I thought I’d ruined everything, too.
“Did you ruin everything?” I asked.
She glanced at me.
“I mean, maybe it needs to be ruined. Broken. Maybe it shouldn’t be fixed.”
Her gaze traveled back to the dress. “I want this to be over, I want this nightmare to end. I don’t want to become my mother. I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it. I’m so afraid.”
I looked at the dress, casting a gaunt shadow along the hardwood. I didn’t have any idea what Lottie was going through, what secret had bound itself across her chest. But I knew the feeling.
The fear.
“Stop looking at their shadows.”
Forty-Eight
STORY
I stayed up all night waiting for West to come to bed, but he never did. Now it was the morning of the long-awaited baby shower and my gaze kept slipping in the mirror, over my shoulder to the double doors. I think I’d worked my bottom lip raw with nerves, waiting for them to open, my heart on fire with simultaneous anxiety and excitement.
Today could be the day Grayson and I were both free.
My girl had come to ready me and was fastening the diamond pendant at my neck, when the doors finally creaked. I jumped off the vanity stool, and my girl let out a startled yelp as the necklace fell from my neck.
She dropped to the floor to grab the diamonds, and I spun to see West. He leaned in the doorway, his head lolling to the side.
My heart pounded painfully against my chest as I waited for him to speak. This was the first time I actually wanted to see West, that I wanted him to speak first, and he was silent.
As the seconds dragged on in silence, I finally spoke first. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”
“Do you fucking care?” he growled.
I chewed my bottom lip. “Yes.”
His eyes narrowed.