I came around to see her, and her eyes were swollen from crying. In her red eyes I saw Woodsy’s words.
Your father tried that.
I’d loved two girls.
I’d ruined them both.
“I want to hate you,” she said quietly.
I looked up. “You don’t?”
“I do…Because I love you,” she whispered. “I hate you for making me love you, and then changing your mind. I hate you for choosing her.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Lottie…”
“I hate that you chose her…and I hate that I’m happy it didn’t count. I hate that I’m turning into this person. A vicious person. A greedy person. Someone who’s willing to take what doesn’t belong to them anymore.”
“It’s my fault,” I said.
“It’s my fault. I thought maybe when you started liking someone else, my dad would stop trying to force me on you, but when I told him, he called your grandpa.”
It all made so much fucking sense now.
I shook my head. “Nah, it’s my fault. I had a thing for you, I pursued you. You have no blame, Lottie. It’s my fault we’re in this.”
More silence, the melancholy sound of cold ocean waves. The whole place was muted by the overcast sky. There was one more thing I had to take from Lottie. One more thing I had no right to ask
“I need to ask one more thing from you.”
Her dark-brown eyes found mine.
“I need you to take her on as your girl.”
“You want her as my girl?” Lottie’s face caved. “
The rumors, Grayson. People are already talking. After what you did at our engagement party…We may have stopped print, but you know we can’t silence the internet. Not for long. Do you know what they say about her? About me? I’m a laughing stock. No, worse. I’m pitied. You turned me into everything I was trying to avoid.”
“It won’t last,” I said. “She won’t last a week.”
“I can’t think of one reason why I should do it.”
“I can’t give you any,” I said.
She pursed her lips. “I have a feeling the reason you’re doing this isn’t out of cruelty.”
Maybe. Maybe Snitch hit the nail on the head, and I was trying to push her away. Make it easier for her. Make her hate me.
Or maybe I just couldn’t fucking look at her anymore. It was selfish.
Lottie sighed, a broken sound. “Just promise me you won’t sleep with her. Ever again. As long as we’re together. Please. I know what I said before. I know I said you could get it out before marriage, but please don’t even look at her.”
“I won’t.”
She put her cheek on her knees, like the weight of her emotions was too much. “We’ll be married before the month ends. Does she know?”
I shook my head. “She’ll be gone before the month.”
“What if she isn’t?”