I watched Jasper place a star at the top of the tree, having had to climb on a stepstool and tiptoe in order to reach that high.
‘We put an angel at the top of ours,’ I told him.
‘Controversial,’ he said, twisting his neck to raise an eyebrow in my direction.
‘Not really. Because it’s right.’
‘Did you mean for that to sound like fighting talk?’
I shifted on the stair, trying to decide if my bottom was still sore. It wasn’t, not really. Other parts of me, though, were not in such acceptable condition. Probably best not to start a verbal sparring match just now. The angel/star debate could keep.
‘Of course not,’ I said, prim and proper as I could be. ‘’Tis the season to be jolly, after all.’
‘Fa la la la la, la la la la,’ sang Jasper. He had a good singing voice too. He had good everything. It really wasn’t fair.
‘On that subject, I’m thinking of getting back in touch with some friends,’ I told him.
He stepped down from the stool and came to sit beside me on the stairs.
‘Go for it,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think you had any. You’ve never mentioned anyone. Bit strange, I thought, but I didn’t like to ask.’
‘I just … got out of the habit of being social, I suppose. When it was just you and me, here, over the summer, I forgot that anyone or anything else existed.’
‘Mm, so did I,’ he said with a dreamy smile. ‘Bloody wonderful, wasn’t it?’
‘Well, it still is, I hope. And it still can be, even with the outside world mixed in.’
‘Of course.’ He reached over and untied the tinsel from the banister. ‘As long as we’re in the middle of it, together.’
‘Right.’
He took my freed wrist and kissed the inside of it, a gesture that always unleashed ten million fluttery pulses in me. He held it against his cheek, gazing soulfully into my eyes. ‘Will you be honest with your friends? About us?’
‘It’s not really any of their business, but if they ask, then yes.’
‘You might lose a few.’
‘I know. That’s why it’s taken me so long to get the courage up. But I hope at least a couple might understand.’
He kissed the tip of my nose.
‘Brave girl,’ he said. ‘And now, I’ve got calls of my own to make. I’ll be in my office.’
He went off to take care of business and I stood up to give the Christmas tree a full appraisal. It looked glorious, warm and twinkly, like the Christmas tree of my childhood dreams. But I wouldn’t be spending Christmas here with Jasper – I’d be down on the coast with my parents, and he’d be with his mother in East Anglia. It wasn’t going to be easy, but we were going to have our own Christmas the day after Boxing Day and it was going to last all the way into the New Year.
I went back up to the bedroom and found the sim card of my old phone in a dresser drawer. Who would I call first? Stella? No, she was forthright to the point of abrasive. I’d leave her until I’d eased myself in a bit. Who was easy to talk to and undemanding and unjudgemental?
Rosie.
I found her number and dialled it, my fingers slippery over the metal rectangle. I was insanely nervous. I wondered if I’d even be able to talk.
It rang twice and then I heard a kind of gasp on the other end.
‘Oh, my God, Sarah, is it you?’
‘Rosie. I’m really sorry, so sorry, it’s been ages, I know …’
‘You changed your number! I tried and tried to call you.’