I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long I want everything to go off without a hitch. I don’t know why but I have this nagging feeling this might be my only chance to see him. I’m scared he’s going to change his mind about me coming to see him.
I know he wants to see me, but he also sees me as this soft sweet girl that shouldn’t be coming to a prison. Maybe I am but I don’t care. I’d go anywhere to see him. I want him to see this isn’t only about him saving me. It’s about so much more. I want to be with him and this is the way to show him.
I turn to get a view of myself from behind and I think it’s a little sexy. I shamelessly told Rocco in my last letter what I’d be wearing under my dress today. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I could change my mind I sealed the letter and dropped it into the mail.
I might not be able to touch him, but I wanted something between us that’s more intimate than sitting across the table from him. I need it and I hope that this small dirty thing will give it to us. I look over myself one last time before I go over to Mrs. Honey’s house and ask her what she thinks of it.
She got home a few days ago and I’m thanking God she was okay. There aren’t any long-term side effects and I know this scared everyone. Somehow she ingested something she shouldn’t have and her doctors are still running tests to try and narrow down what it might have been.
I went to her house and threw everything out, then cleaned her kitchen from top to bottom. Still, something sat wrong with me about the whole thing. I can’t put my finger on it, but what I can do is keep a better eye on her. God knows her son isn’t going to do it.
“Mrs. Honey,” I call out as I knock on the door then push it open. No matter how many times I tell her she needs to lock her door she doesn’t. She’s set in her ways.
“In here,” she calls out from her kitchen, and when I walk in she turns to see me. “Oh my. You’re going to kill that man,” she laughs as her face lights up with a smile.
“It meets code.” I say as I double-check the length of the dress. Nothing is stopping me from seeing Rocco today.
“You look beautiful.” She walks over and cups my face. “You’re going to give him a reason to get out as soon as he can,” she adds, wiggling her eyebrows and making me flush.
“Mrs. Honey!” I gasp at her innuendo even though it was what I was going for. I want him to see me as sexy and not just the girl he saved. He always talks about how sweet and innocent I am.
He has no idea the thoughts I have in my head about his rough side. I’ve always been a bigger girl and I’ve been thinking to myself that I’m built this way to handle a man as big as Rocco. I won’t break under his firm hold.
“Go see your man,” she says as she kisses me on each cheek.
“I’ll bring dinner back with me,” I tell her and walk out the front door. She’ll be waiting to hear all about me getting to finally see Rocco. She’s the only person in my life that gets it.
It’s doesn’t take me long to get my things together and get on the road. The drive is over an hour and it feels like an eternity.
I swallow when I see the prison in the distance and my eyes start to water. I’m thinking about how Rocco has to spend every day locked inside there for saving me and it makes me emotional. It’s such bullshit, and as happy as I am that he saved me, I wish I’d never gone on that date to begin with. He could be out living his life as a free man.
I wipe the tears away as I get closer, not wanting to show that I’ve been crying. I don’t want to put a damper on today and I know Rocco won’t like knowing I’ve been upset.
I give my driver’s license to the guard before they open the gates to let me in. I pull into the parking lot and put the slip they gave me in my window. I put on some lip gloss and give my hair one last check before I grab my bag. How can I be so scared and excited at the same time? I take a deep breath and step out of the SUV as I look at the giant concrete building that Rocco is inside of. My eyes sting again but I fight it. I have to be strong.