Her eyes misted, but she blinked quickly. ‘Only if you think I’m owed one. This is your show after all. But maybe you’ll allow me three guesses? I saw you at the Woodbine Building having lunch, and you have spinach in your teeth so maybe you should go brush? Or, and I love the dress you’re wearing but I’ve missed you like crazy and I’m dying to make love to you so I’m going to rip it off right now? Or is it more like, and I don’t trust you, not even for one hot little second, so sayonara and have a nice life?’
Alejandro opened his mouth to give voice to the terrible pain tearing at his insides, but it was as if his vocal cords were suddenly paralysed.
‘No answer? Fine, have it your way.’ She stormed out of the living room towards the bedroom they’d shared for the last six weeks.
Alejandro charged after her. Only to stop when he found her frozen in the doorway. She whirled around when she sensed him. ‘I...I can’t go in there. I know this is absurd, but this is my first break-up. I’m not handling it well. If it isn’t too much trouble, have my things put into storage...somewhere. I’ll text you a forwarding address once I have one.’
She headed for him, making sure to keep a distance between them.
The words tore from his throat. ‘I trust you.’
She froze. ‘What?’
‘You think this is about my lack of trust. But that’s just it. I trust you with my life. But I don’t know if you can trust me with yours.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘I barely noticed who you were having lunch with. But I saw you look at your phone. And ignore my call. It may be irrational to you, but the thought that I might never be enough for you... You know why I never asked you about Jason?’
Numbly, she shook her head.
‘I was terrified you’d say you’d compared us and decided he was a better bet,’ he divulged. ‘I don’t want to know what happened with him after I left. All I know is that I had to come and find you. I dragged you back to Chicago with the knowledge that for whatever reason, you chose him. And then I found out you were back, in Montana, and that you stayed away after coming back.’
‘Alejandro—!’
‘I can’t do that to you any more. I’m obsessed with you, Elise. I know what that kind of obsession can do. I saw it with my parents. Their love may not make much sense to me, but it’s the version they’re happy with. I’ve been sitting in the dark, trying to imagine what our version would be. And in each one, I can’t help but see me hurting you. With my jealousy. With my possessiveness. Hell, I want you all the time! I tried to find answers from my parents. The best I got was that love doesn’t make sense. That’s not good enough. I can’t risk you like that. So I thought I’d spare us both the messiness that would come later.’
She absorbed his words, then nodded. ‘Okay. I get it. It makes sense.’ She started to walk away again.
Naked fear gripped him. ‘Elise!’
‘Yes, Alejandro?’
‘I... Por favor...say something.’
‘Sorry, I have nothing. You make a sound case. I can’t compete with all the bad things that might happen to us in the future.’
He frowned. ‘But...you came back from Hawaii early.’
‘Yes.’
‘Because you missed me?’
‘Like crazy.’
He slashed a frustrated hand through his hair. ‘Then why didn’t you call?’
‘I turned my phone to flight mode, then forgot to turn it back on until I was on the subway. Before I could call you, I got a message from one of the five manga publishers I’d sent my sketches to. They’d been trying to reach me. I called them back. They were interested and wanted to meet me right away. I agreed to a meet. He wanted to go through each story with me. I was in the middle of begging him to reschedule our meeting for another
time when you called. I ignored your call because I was already being rude and I couldn’t tell whether he would accommodate me or not. After an hour and a half, I came clean and told him I missed the man I love and wanted to get back to him. This guy got engaged two weeks ago, so he’s all about true love. Of course, I hightailed it here only for you to break up with me. You want to know the real reason I kissed Jason?’
His heart stuttered, the vice around his chest so painful with the glaring loss he’d brought on himself that he couldn’t breathe. ‘No, but go on.’
‘I kissed him because it was the only way I could think of to stop myself from falling deeper in love with you. You said your heart wasn’t made to love. I believed you. But I knew it wouldn’t stop me from loving you. I was trying to think of how to stop my heart from breaking when Jason found me. The kiss was stupid. I hated every second of it. But seeing you walk away...that was the worst moment of my life. Until Montana. I didn’t have to come back with you. I could’ve let you sue me. But I loved you. I still love you. So tell me, Alejandro, what am I supposed to do with all this love I have bursting in my heart for you, when you’re so ready to throw us away?’ she whispered, her voice a ragged caricature of its normal strength.
‘Elise... Dios mio... Elise. What have I done?’ He’d blown it. He knew it in the depths of his soul. He reached for her.
She jerked out of his way, her flared hands holding him at bay. ‘No. You want to protect yourself. That’s fine. Believe it or not, I understand.’ This time she didn’t turn. She walked backwards, righting herself when she bumped into the console table or a wall.